LOVING BEYOND LIMITS - loving me will give you pain....

CH-9 Her thoughts ~

-Purnima POV-

But i had no one besides me, i was all alone fighting with my inner self... no one was their to guide me..... what was wrong and what was right.

And lastly i fed up with all this and decided to put an end to all this problems.

Next day, in the early morning I texted him that...

" i can not do this anymore because i am not that strong..... i can not stand for our love infront of my father love. Pleaseee forget me and moved on from me and focused on your careers and life..., you will get much more beautiful and smart girl than me cause i think it was maybe just a mere attraction between us , i will pray to god for your well - being and for your good career & life....... pleaseeeee i beg you do not reply me or call me, i had taken this decision very difficultly. I would not be able to see you breaking down infront of me...., do not remember me and tried to forget me as i am just a bad and wrost phrase of you life.... Goodbye my love, i will miss you... eat on time and take care of yourself... one and only last time i wanted to tell you this that ..., I AM SORRY and if you can then pleaseee try to forgive me.., I LOVE YOU.... biee."

I texted him with my trembling hands while crying continuously... and helplessly.

That day i just cried, cried and cried in my room, bathroom and roof top..., when nobodies was around me.

This pain and guilt was already started eating me up.

And this continue every single night, when while remembering him i cried and crused my self uncountable times.

But what a seventeen years old teenage girl could even do at that time, my mind was messed up badly that time and there was no one who could help me in that situation..., i had no friends , no one to share my pains and problems with.

I thought if i leave him and break up with him then it will be good for both of us, as i already once bear that heartbreaking phase in my life..., i very hardly moved on from my previous relationship and i had no strength left in me to bear that pain of left alone again.

It was just the beginning phase of our little love story as it was not even been 2 month's properly talking with eachother. Thinking about the society and mostly importantly about my father's words,  i  thought to put an end to this relationship as there's no future of it. Because......

At last it will only give pain to both of us.

Unknowingly, somewhere my previous heart break was also the main reason in taking this decision of mine to breakup with him.

Without caring about his feelings or emotions.

Neither I tried to think about him, cause i thought maybe it was just a mere attraction between us, as we both were very young and immature at that time.

But after i send him the text that I want to break up with him, i realized how much i started to loved him just in this couple of months....., it's been only half an hour and i could not even stay without missing him even a single second.

All i wanted was to just unblock him and messaged him that.... ' even though I broke up with you still i could not able to stopped myself from missing and thinking about you already. '

But i stopped myself from doing so, as a negative thought suddenly pops up in my mind.

" what if he was also playing with my feelings and emotions,  no matter how sweetly and gently he talks or treats me...., afterall every men are same, just like them he must also had his own personal benefit in doing so...., AND what if he also think same about me like my ex . WHAT IF HE ALSO REGRETTED HIMSELF LATER  after proposing me like my EX..., "