HIRAETH

Eight

The morning after the party was a particularly cold one. Fresh snow had blanketed the city and I couldn't help my excitement. As someone who comes from a place that doesn't get a lot of snow, I felt like I was in a dream.

My mind flipped through the memories of yesterday while I showered.

Aurelia was so happy. She laughed and smiled more than usual. She got to play with children her own age, and most importantly, she spent time with Sebastian.

Sebastian.

The kiss we had quickly shared had made the air around us slightly awkward. I tried my best to keep my distance from him while we cleaned up after the party was over. Then, when we got back to the apartment, I helped get Aurelia's presents inside before excusing myself for the rest of the day. I didn't want to leave Aurelia on her birthday, but I needed a few hours away from Sebastian.

I know I'm falling for him. I didn't want this to happen. Aurelia and Sebastian have enough problems to deal with, and adding a possibly disastrous relationship into the mix is the absolute last thing any of us need.

I am finally in a better place mentally. I can go to bed without crying myself to sleep again. I can watch a romance movie with a perfectly happy ending and not feel like I have been cheated by life. Of course, I still long to have Nathan here with me.  He truly was my best friend in every way. But, being here with Aurelia and Sebastian has healed at least some of the holes in my heart.

I turn off the water and step out of the shower.

The cold tile floor sends shivers up my spine as I dry the water off my body. When my body is dry, I wipe the fog from my mirror and stare at myself.

My hair had gotten longer. The light brown strands looked dull and lifeless. They made me think of a different life. A life that I could never return to. A life that had come and gone in the blink of an eye and left me picking up the pieces to form some sort of new life.

I looked up and down my body. I lost a lot of weight after Nathan died when I stopped eating. I was so unhealthy and practically starving myself to death until my family and friends stepped in to get me back on track. I had gained some weight back in the past month. I felt better.

My phone vibrated on the bathroom counter. I watched a picture of Sebastian and Aurelia I had taken at the party pop up on the screen with his name.

Answer it.

Should I?

Yes.

No.

"Hello?" I said quietly.

"Oh, did I wake you?" Sebastian asks and I can tell by his voice he had definitely just woke up.

"No, sorry I was in the shower." I tell him.

"Oh. Okay." He replies.

There is a moment of silence from both sides of the phone. I stare at myself in the mirror, willing myself to say something. Anything.

We need to talk about what happened.

I need to apologize and explain why it can't continue.

"Sebastian I-"

"Can you come over?" Sebastian says cutting me off.

"Sure. Let me get dressed." I sigh and hang up the phone.

I put on some black skinny jeans and a long sleeve gray shirt that was slightly too big for me.

I take my still curled hair out of the clip I had put it in before I got in the shower. I just washed it yesterday so it would be fine for today.