Astrophile [J.P]

Chapter 56

~ Loyalty and betrayal, it's like the leader far behind,

It's like a colorful scenery, a pitch back blind. ~

***

James finally managed to get Peter alone so that he could talk to him about the matter at hand. After he had talked to Felicity at the dinner they had invited their friends over, he had been wanting to discuss with Peter what had been troubling him.

James always tried to be there for his friends and finding out that Peter had chosen not to share his problem with him had troubled him that perhaps he hadn't done enough to gain his trust.

Deciding that his friend was much more important than all the chaos ensuing all around them, he made up his mind to visit Peter despite the fact that Dumbledore had warned him and Lily not to leave the safety of their house.

He rang the doorbell of the shabby apartment Peter lived in and waited for him to open the door. A light hazel iris peeked from inside and shortly after the door creaked open, revealing Peter, "James?"

"How are you doing, mate?"

"Great," he replied, opening the door wider to let him step in though his voice was dim and quite contrary to the reply he had just given.

James noticed that everything in Peter's apartment, including his own self, was disheveled. It clearly hinted that the man was troubled but trying his best to hide it from his friends.

Though why he would choose not to share his troubles with them was still a question that James couldn't fathom. The four of them were closer than brothers; they had helped each other through good times and bad, they were each other's unbreakable support system.

Yet at the moment seeing Peter in such a state, he could only think that something had gone terribly wrong.

"You should not have come here," Peter spoke up at last after a while of uncomfortable silence, "Dumbledore would be furious if he finds out you left your house for me."

"But Dumbledore also knows that you are my brother and I have to be there for you if something awful happens," James resumed in a gentle tone, "what happened, Pete?"

Peter's lips pressed together in a tight frown upon hearing him.

Brother.

James always called them his brothers and it stabbed through his heart knowing that he did not deserve to be referred as such.

What kind of a brother thinks about stabbing his own brother in the back?

"Peter, talk to me," he had placed his hand on his shoulder reassuringly, "Fel told me you and Alicia had problems and I was surprised you didn't tell any of us yourself. We're your friends, we would do anything it takes to help."

A weary sigh escaped him, "you can't help me."

"At least share what's bothering you," James tried once again to make him open up, "you know I am always here for you."

"I know," the words felt like poison in his mouth.

James was always there for him yet what was he going to give him in return?

Betrayal.

Betrayal that could rob both him and Lily of their happiness, their love, their son and even their lives. 

His head was splitting with pain and he wanted to push James out the door because his presence and concern for him made it twice worse. 

Peter knew he had chosen the wrong side yet there had never been a right side for him even before. All the conflict was eating him up alive as he was torn between two sides; the first survival and second loyalty.

"Pete, trust me, I care for you, I can't see you like this."

He pulled apart from him, shaking his head, "James, leave."

"But why? Why are you shutting us all out?" Even then his voice was soft and caring, he was genuinely concerned for him and Peter could see that. "I know with the war going on, none of us have been behaving normally. And I don't blame you for it but at least tell me what's wrong. If you can't talk to Alicia, I'll get Felicity to make her understand..."

However, he didn't let him complete the sentence, "it's not about Alicia... Never was... I just... Please go."

He tried to reach out towards him but Peter pushed him out the door though something broke in his heart as he did so, light hazel dimming even more.

"James, I'm sorry... But please, leave me alone. I'll be fine eventually but right now I need some time to sort this out with myself."

Knowing that Peter wouldn't let him stay and t was futile to try further, James finally stepped back, "alright, take your time. But don't shut us out."

"I'm not doing anything of the sort. I..." Yet his voice trailed off, thinking that what he was doing was definitely far worse than that.

But he couldn't back off. If he did, he would be killed as a result.

Mercilessly, agonizingly, with no one to hear his painful screams.

A shudder raked through his body at the thought but he managed to keep a straight face in front of James, "I'll see you at the HQ."

James nodded, "alright. Take care."

Peter dipped his head in a nod and closed the door, not even waiting for James to disapparate first.

James stood in the alley even after that, feeling that there was something terrible going on with Pete ye somehow his friend couldn't bring himself to share it with him.

He had to think of a way to help Peter. But what he didn't know was that helping Peter could lead to his own downfall.

Picturing the snow swept streets of Godric Hollow in his head, he finally disapparated. 

Seconds after, the door to Peter's apartment creaked open again, finding no one in sight. Peter sighed wearily and shut it, conflict tearing him open internally.

He knew he had made the wrong decision.

James cared for him so much that he even put his own life in danger just to come and check up on Peter, just to help him out.

And yet Peter had chosen the side that would be the end of his dearest friend.

It was his biggest mistake yet he had gotten too late to fix it. Nothing could be done to prevent what was coming.

***