The Naked Ruth

Part 8

PINANOOD ni Travis kung paano ngumanga sa pagkamangha si Ariel nang sabihin niya na failed mission na naman siya kagabi. Ito lang ang kaisa-isang taong pinagsabihan niya ng lihim na kalagayan.

"Kahit si Alina, hindi napatayo 'yang junior mo? Damn, that's crazy."

Bumuntunghininga siya. "I don't understand why, pare. I wasn't even thinking about my dad, his suffering, his death, or cancer. I wasn't thinking about anything. I just wanted to fuck that moment."

"It must be because your dick gets used to it."

"Gets used to what?" Inabot niya ang canned beer na inilapag ni Ariel sa coffee table.

"Not working so it became very lazy."

"It's dead, man," naninigas ang mga pangang sabi ni Travis. "It's fucking dead. If even the hottest women I know can't manage to revive it, then this is probably hopeless."

Binuksan niya at niluglog ang laman ng lata.

Umiling-iling si Ariel. "No, 'wag kang sumuko. Sinabi naman ng psychiatrist mo na matagal na proseso ang paggamot sa anxiety mo."

"Hindi mo nakukuha, pare. Wala akong anxiety no'ng gabing 'yon. Ibig sabihin, kahit wala akong iniisip na bagay na ikaka-anxious ko, hindi pa rin kayang tumayo ng junior ko."

"But I'm sure deep in the corners of your mind, you were conscious about whether your dick would get up or not during your foreplay. Tama ba ako?"

Hindi nakasagot si Travis.

"That must be the reason why. Naturally, hindi naman natin inaalala kung tatayo o hindi ang junior natin kapag inuumpisahan na nating makipag-sex, eh. Kasi ala, nating kusang nangyayari 'yon. Pero ikaw, you were conscious kaya nag-lowkey worry ka pa rin."

"How am I supposed to not think about it when I knew I needed this thing to get up in order to continue having sex? I am aware I have a problem kaya imposibleng hindi ko maisip 'yon."

"That's the tricky part."

He sighed heavily and looked outside the glass wall. "Mukhang habambuhay na akong magiging celibate. I might as well just enter the seminary for real."

Narinig niya ang pagtawa ni Ariel.

"Gago!" Dinampot nito ang cellphone nang tumunog iyon. "My girlfriend is coming over."

Bumalik ang tingin niya sa kaibigan. "What the hell? You want me to leave?"

"She comes here as she pleases. Hindi ko puwedeng sabihing 'wag siyang pumunta. Alam niyang wala akong biyahe kaya nandito lang ako sa pad ko."

Hindi itinago ni Travis ang disapproval sa ekspresyon ng mukha. "That is why I never had a girlfriend. Girlfriends act like they own you."

"Well, I want her to claim ownership of me though," nakangising sabi ni Ariel.

Travis flinched in distaste.

"Hindi talaga makaka-relate ang mga commitment phobic na tulad mo."

Uminom na lang si Travis ng beer kaysa ipaliwanag ang sarili sa kaibigan for the nth time. Hindi siya commitment phobic. Sadya lang ayaw niya ng commitment dahil sagabal iyon sa kalayaan at stress-free life. It required a person to be responsible and faithful. And romantic relationship was a lot of work. Why would he enter a relationship or marriage when he knew he could not fulfill his responsibities and duties as a partner? Kaysa maging lousy boyfriend, cheater at manloloko ng babae, mas mainam nang maging single o bachelor.

Bumalik ang tingin niya kay Ariel nang mapunang nakatitig ito sa kanya. Tinapunan nito ng tingin ang bandang crotch niya bago muling sinalubong ang kanyang tingin.

"Did you just check out my junk?" tanong niya sa kaibigan.

"Naisip ko lang... Maybe if you fall in love and finally feel the need to enter a relationship with a woman, tatayo na ulit 'yang junior mo."

Bahagyang nanlaki ang mga mata ni Travis. "Sa tingin mo, love ang makakapagpatayo ulit dito?" turo niya sa pagkalalaki.

Nangingiting tumango si Ariel. "Why not? Love is so powerful. If it can move mountains, maybe it can also revive a dead dick."

"Ulol mo. I'm thirty and I never felt that feeling even once. At wala akong balak... kung magiging tulad mo lang rin ako na parang baliw na baliw sa syota mo na handa mong palayasin ang kaibigan mong naghihinga sa 'yo ng malaking problema dahil lang darating siya."

"Pero paano nga halimbawa kung 'yon lang ang only solution sa problema mo."

Nagbuga ng hangin si Travis. "As if I can just fall in love instantly. I'm not even sure if I am capable of that feeling. Baka mas mauna pa akong mabaliw sa sitwasyon ko bago ako ma-in love."