Semper Fidelis

Chapter 17.4

He felt her take a shaky breath in and he watched her face. It was solemn and pensive. Her eyes were turning glassy as the tears rose to the surface. He opened his mouth to ask her what was wrong, but she asked him a question instead.

"Do you remember his name?" She inquired quietly.

James looked at her for a moment, his heart starting to beat a little faster with anticipation. He felt the tension in the air and his hands fisted at the front of her shirt.

"I do," he replied softly with a nod. "His name's Harry."

Hermione held his gaze as the tears spilled from her eyes. A choked sob left her and she had to breathe deeply to voice the name she held in her heart for years.

"That's right," she whispered. "His name's Harry Potter."

James felt as if the wind had been knocked from his chest. He was stunned, his eyes were wide and his mouth parted in a silent gasp. He felt breathless, weightless. He felt everything and nothing at once after hearing that name. He was numb. Hot. Cold. He looked at his mother in shock trying to process what she had just said, not quite believing her at the same time this little bubble of hope was rising inside his chest.

Harry Potter.

His father's Harry Potter.

"How?" He asked in a choked whisper. He felt his mum's fingers on his cheeks and that was when he realized that he was crying again.

She explained through her own tears. How they met in her first year. How they became friends because of the troll. How they and their other friend, Ron Weasley, faced dangers every single year because of Voldemort. As she spoke, James realized that he already knew all of this. He had read all about the Golden Tro's adventures in Hogwarts, A History, but now they were being told from the point of view of the missing piece; from the point of view of whom the books could only refer to as The Brightest Witch; from the point of view of his own mother.

She told him about what he knew and more. She told him about the Horcrux hunt, how when Mr. Weasley left it was when he was conceived. "I didn't know I was pregnant with you, baby," she admitted. "I found out in May right before Voldemort attacked the castle. I wanted to tell him... but I couldn't. It wasn't the right time. I didn't need him worrying about me, about us, during the battle," her voice broke as more tears spilled from her eyes. James put his hand on her cheek and tried to brush them away. His mind was whirling with all of this new knowledge but he understood. Finding out about a child would be a shock to anybody, especially to someone who was supposed to end the Dark Lord's reign.

Hermione held onto his hand like it was giving her the strength to continue. "We made it through the battle alive. All of us. I was so thankful. I told myself I was going to tell him the day after," she whispered. "I looked for him and... and I found him," she said, closing her eyes. She remembered that morning with the summer sun shining brightly down on the ruined castle. It seemed like the perfect time to tell Harry the truth. "He was with somebody else; his old girlfriend whom he broke up with before we left to find the Horcruxes. They were kissing."

James recoiled at her words. He looked at her with questions and anger rising to his reddened eyes. So that's what she meant when she said that his father didn't love her. Hermione tenderly stroked his cheek while shaking her head. "No, no, baby, don't be mad at him," she pleaded desperately through her tears. "He didn't know," his mum said, fully sobbing now. "And I... I didn't tell him. I left. I thought it would be better for him if he didn't have to deal with any more obligations. I thought leaving it all behind would be best for you."

She was shaking and James held onto her with fisted hands as she continued her story. His eyes were red and he was breathing heavily. He had no idea what to say or what to think or what to do. He was a mess of emotions and he struggled to reign them all in. "I never gave him the chance," Hermione said as she wept. "I took away his choice. I took your father away from you. I shouldn't have left. I should have told him. I am so, so sorry, love. Please forgive me."