Jungkook Oneshots and Sickfics

Why Do You Do This?

Requested by babyykooks and @uyuandkookies

Yoonkook, Hopetaekook

warning: depression, self-harm

-------

Jungkook had a secret. He had grown up never having any healthy coping mechanisms. He was the youngest in his family and then, the youngest in his group. Everyone was so caught up in their problems that Jungkook never wanted to complain about anything.

But sometimes things got a bit too much. The ugly things in the world would seep into his mind and it would become just a little bit too much. Jungkook would wrestle with the thoughts, and wonder how he could stop them.

In the end, he found a way.

Cutting.

It was the only thing that worked. The only thing that distracted his mind enough for him to relax. It banished all his negative thoughts, making him feel again.

It was supposed to be something that only he knew.

-----

The stress from the comeback was getting to him. He wasn't getting the dance down right, his voice just wasn't good enough, the diet was getting too restrictive, the list went on.

Jungkook glanced at himself in the mirror. There were tears glistening on his face. He couldn't stop crying if he wanted to. Once he started, he couldn't stop.

His wrists were itching. Quietly, he opened the cabinet and took out a blade. He pressed it into the soft skin of his left wrist and quickly slid it across. Blood bloomed across the skin and he winced. He watched as the blood dripped down his arm, coming close to his sleeve. He was quick to dab it when it got too close. No drops showed up on his shirt. He was a professional.

There was a roll of bandages also inside the cabinet. He wrapped up his arm after he was tired of staring, and tried to calm himself. The swirling thoughts of his had calmed to a steady din. It was the only way that his mind could calm down.

He patched himself back up. He wiped his face with the back of his hand.

Jungkook took a deep breath. No more crying anymore.

He usually didn't cut on his wrist. It was way too visible and obvious. Usually he would do it all over his thighs, which were already littered with scars. But now he was so battered and exhausted that he couldn't care. It was almost like Jungkook welcomed the concern and attention that might come his way.

He wanted someone to care enough to notice. He just wanted to stop feeling so numb and empty.

-------

"You look so tired these days," Hoseok said.

Jungkook tensed. Then relaxed. Hoseok was talking to Namjoon.

He eyed Namjoon carefully. He did look tired. He probably had healthy ways of dealing with it though. Namjoon probably meditated or wrote in a journal or whatever. All of the things that Jungkook had thought were too corny to try.

Mentally, he scolded himself. He should really try to become more like Namjoon. He was always trying to attract attention like some kind of a pick-me.

Breakfast time was always a hassle. Jungkook scarfed down whatever Jimin had made - it tasted horrible - and went back to his room.

He didn't feel like talking anyway. He felt his eyes pricking as he walked back. He had barely made it into his room before he felt tears snaking down his face again. Oh, he was such a loser.