My life line

CHAPTER 14 : Suicidal

Zee POV

I thought it will be better but it didn't. The bounded ill fate of me is never end. The only things I had to control but I failed. Healing was never an easy process. After two years yet I hurt him again. I don't realize when my heart start to beat hardly for him. I wish I could stay as he want to but this is the only solution I could think of. Staying away is what exactly that I need. My step halted by the loud scream. 'Dare you to leave!!' turn myself around, my eyes widened when I saw he tightly holding the knife up on his wrist. The edge of blade had the blood stains. My heart skips a beat. He looks deeply absorbed to the trauma, swallowing the pain. His eyes start to water at this point. A little blood managed to escape his wrist but it was enough to make a mess .He fall to the ground in a thud and I ran toward him without hesitation. My body trembling all over and I fall on my knees besides the unconscious him. I felt my heartbeat tighten as if it will stop breathing in a second. Tears streaming my cheeks. I pulled out my phone out of the pockets. My phone screen got wet with tears dripping down uncontrollably. My mind chant calling for him but my throat felt dry to let out any voice. Finding the right contact, I hold the phone up to my ears. 'Arianaa... He..he is bleeding.. plee-as-e hurry' I stammered. I took a deep breath but I just couldn't be calm. 'Keep your phone on the line...I'm coming' she said. I dropped my phone on the ground as I lift his head up on my knees. 'Nhuu ..wake up ..I'm sorryy' I shake his body desperately.

'Due to his past and after what had happened, this could be a symptom of depression. We need to undergo further test when he is awake. You don't have to worry too much...he will be fine. Stay by his side for a while. I believe he need you' flashback creep its way in as I caressing nunew back hand softly. Its been 3 hour he is lying out of conciousness. Situating myself besides him, I rest my head back on the headboard. I look down on the bandage wrapped around his wrist. The picture of him cutting his wrist come across my mind again and it is harrowing . Had I can take his pain away, I would do. Luckily, I was in time to call my personal psychiatrist doctor, Ariana. I am lucky enough to have her as my doctor. You know that kind of trust bond that only can happen with people that view 'differently'. That's what she is. I have been with her for the past two year and her encouragement did help me more or less. Gazing down on his hand, my eyes become glossy without I could realize. 'I will stay as you want' I speak in whisper as I laid on my back besides him. I didn't expect a reply anyway but I hope he gonna be fine when I woke up.

Awaken, I found him cling firmly on my arms as if trying to squeeze out all the sadness with his tiny arm. One of my hand softly patting his head and he look up meeting my eyes. 'I'm not going anywhere' I convince him. He look lost and in need of love. He eyed me for a second, his eyes are moving back and forth. 'I promise you' my lips gently pressed on his forehead as he snuggle inside my hug. 'I'm sorry hia' his breathing hitched in the verge of tears. 'Don't be sorry' shushing him, I rest my chin on his head. 'I shouldn't threat you like that' he said. 'I don't want to talk about it' I told him. A tear slipped out his eyes and I wiped it away quickly. 'Its okay..I've got you' I held my gaze onto him and smile warmly. My hand running through his hair as I held him closer.

Sitting across him,this is the first time we had a meal together. I could tell from his open-book expression that he is full of curiosity. He look down ,focusing on his meal. 'Are you not going to ask me anything?' I brought my drink to my lips but my eyes never leaving his. His words is trapping on his own body. Biting his lower lips, his finger fidgeting by the indented habit. I grab his small hand in mine. 'I told you to stop doing that' his face slightly tilt upwards, peeking in me. Looking by his expression I could tell he need an explanation from me. 'Ariana is my personal doctor..nothing more.. I start to realize that I got the disease as day passed by after our marriage... You have become my obsession... I hate seeing you around with other guys... And I tend to hate myself everytime I hurt you...' his hand grabbing my hand reassuring. I want to let out everything. Everything that I have kept in my heart. It is suffocated. I took a deep breath and I feel his gaze glueing at me in sympathy but I didn't dare to look up to him. If I did,I would cry in a second. We spoke no word for a minute. 'I should know it earlier... Hiaa.. never once I think of letting you go... It was only you from the beginning... Somehow, you give me a secure place for me to rely on.. I got no one else Hia.. You are my lifeline.. you mean everything to me.. this cycle will never ends' his lips skewed a smile. His thoughtfulness touch the deepest part of my being and his words means a lot to me. 'You ,is a gift that I will always treasure from now on' Getting off from my seat, I gradually lean closer to him until our lips are lightly met. My hands wrap around his neck, pulling him closer. Shutting my eyes, our kiss turn passionate. The sensation of his tongue intruding my mouth making me want him more. Biting his lower lips, he let out a small groan. His hand wrap around my neck and I was under a complete control of him. Giving him a gentle squeeze, I smile in between our kiss before pull away. 'This is enough..' I breath heavily stopping us from going further.