Tinder - Jenlisa (English version)

41

Jennie POV

Jisoo opens the door in her pyjamas, looking dishevelled and sleepy.

JISOO: Jennie?

JENNIE: Did I wake you?

JISOO: It's okay. Come in.

I leave my coat in the hall and go into the living room.

JENNIE: I need to talk to Lisa.

JISOO: She's in her room.

We go to her room and knock, but she doesn't answer. Jisoo opens the door, but Lisa is not there. I see a mountain of paper balls on the floor of her desk and imagine how hard it must have been for her to write me that letter.

JISOO: Well, she's not here.

JENNIE: Yeah.

JISOO: Do you want to wait for her?

JENNIE: I don't know.

Jisoo stretches and goes into the kitchen.

JISOO: Sorry, I need coffee or I'm nobody. Would you like some?

JENNIE: Yes, please. Don't apologise, I should apologise for waking you up.

She laughs.

JISOO: It's OK, I sleep about 10 hours a night and I should cut down.

She makes us coffee and we sit on the sofa to drink it. I should be at the office. My idea was to come in, talk to Lisa, tell her I don't know what yet and then go back to work, but instead I'm sitting on her sofa drinking coffee with Jisoo in her pyjamas.

JISOO: Her phone's off.

JENNIE: She didn't block me...

JISOO: What are you talking about? She wouldn't block you.

She looks at me as if what I've just said is the most absurd thing in the world and I feel a squeeze in my chest.

JENNIE: I don't know. She quit her job, she wrote me a resignation letter, I thought...

JISOO: No - she cuts me off-. She's not blocking you.

JENNIE: But why did she quit?

JISOO: She wants to go back to Thailand.

I'm getting dizzy, I'm not sure I heard that right.

JENNIE: What?

JISOO: She thinks that if you ask for space and she can't respect it, she has to put some distance.

JENNIE: But... that's absurd.

She shrugs.

JISOO: Seeing you hurts her.

JENNIE: Doesn't it hurt her more not to see me?

JISOO: I don't know.

It's not fair of me to say this when I'm the one who doesn't want to talk to her, and the one who left in the first place, I know. But it's an irrational anger that I can't control, because what's the point of her going to Thailand?

Lisa POV

I've quit my job. The feeling is strange. Like a kind of sickening emptiness that I'll have to get used to, because that's what every day away from Jennie will be like. Every Monday, every Tuesday, every Wednesday... Maybe after a lot of them there will be others when it doesn't hurt and I'll be fine. Or just not have this giant ball of fear in my chest taking up the space where my lungs should be.

I've been walking around Seoul all day with my camera. Saying goodbye to the city, the streets, the shops, the people. I bought fried chicken to eat in the park and it's as if Jisoo were with me. I could have asked her to spend the day with me, but I wanted to be alone.

It's like an exercise in introspection that I needed. I lay down on the grass and watched the clouds change shape in the sky. There was one that looked like Pepe Lee and I wanted to hug him. Then I saw one that looked like a rabbit. Then it started to rain and it was a bit scary. I don't mind the rain, but I didn't want it to ruin my camera, so I had to take shelter in a doorway. I wanted to check the weather app on my phone to see how long it was going to rain, but my battery was empty, so I just waited. When it stopped, I went to a bookshop and spent a while choosing what to buy for the trip. In the end I decided on a science fiction novel about robots. It's really hot today, sticky hot.

I took pictures everywhere, I want to remember Seoul as I live it today. It is as if it were a partner that accompanies me in my grief. A grief for something that could have been and will never be. Heartbreak sucks, yes, but how unhappy am I if I'm living the heartbreak after skipping the love part? Agh... those things that could only happen to me.

It had been dark for a while by the time I got home. I had to run back because I could hear thunder and the last hundred metres I was caught in the storm. Luckily I was able to protect the camera.

JISOO: Where have you been?

LISA: Over there.

I take off my coat and leave my camera on the table.

JISOO: I was getting worried, I called you twenty times.

I look at her strangely, what's wrong with her?

LISA: Ok, mum... my battery's dead.

JISOO: Jennie just left.

I get the news as if hit by the lightning that has just flashed through the window, perfect timing, like divine intervention.

LISA: What?

JISOO: She's been here all day waiting for you. She left when the storm started because she was tired. We had pizza.

LISA: What?

'What's with the pizza?

JISOO: I didn't stream today, I spent the whole day with her.

LISA: What did she want?

JISOO: To talk to you.

LISA: About what?

JISOO: She said she didn't know what she was going to tell you, that she just wanted to see you and talk.

LISA: How long ago exactly did she leave?

JISOO: About 10 minutes ago, you had to cross...

I don't let her finish the sentence because I run out the door. I run up and down my street as fast as I can, the storm soaking me. I don't know why I run. I don't want to see her. Well, I do. No, I don't. Do I want to hear what she has to say? Yes and no. I don't, but I have to. It's strange. It's like my head is filled with no's on one side and yes's on the other, and as my head fills with contradictory ideas the rain pours down and soaks me to the bone, but there's no sign of Jennie.

The taxi rank is empty.

Jennie POV

I made a fool of myself. I missed work for the first time in my life because I wanted to talk to Lisa and all I did was eat pizza and watch Youtube videos with Jisoo. Lisa didn't turn on her phone all day and after waiting for her for over 10 hours, a storm broke out and reminded me that I had a home and responsibilities and it was time to go. Rosé wrote to confirm that I had finished my work, and I felt guilty for letting her do it for me.

When I get to my street, I have to run to the pavement. I have an umbrella, but the rain is so heavy that I have little protection. Luckily my building has balconies and they cover me quite well. I decided to stop at the restaurant on the corner and buy something for dinner. I don't feel like going home and cooking after the terrible day I've had. When I got to the front door and looked for my keys, I heard someone calling me.

Lisa was looking at me in the rain, her clothes soaking wet.