unidentified | billie eilish fanfiction

SEVENTEEN: i'm so drained

violet

i almost wanted to slip out my gun from my holster. almost wanted to put a bullet through her skull. almost wanted to watch it in slow motion as it pierced it's way in. almost wanted to rip her her out of max's hands. almost committed a crime for a girl. i almost blew my cover.

"umm... violet?" aaliyah popped her head from outside the door into the employee only room. "claudia? wants you."

i almost widened my eyes. "yes, okay coming." is what i said. i feel bad for aaliyah, after all, this is a work place and i can't be bring my personal life in here.

"i know what you're thinking. 'so unprofessional' babe we work at a thrift store, and i love drama. you're telling me everything." she whispered as i walked past her to face claudia.

"we need to talk." she said as soon as i was in her eye sight.

"you can take your break now." aaliyah said.

"my break? i just came in." i frowned, looking at her.

"you can have two breaks, just go." she whisper yelled.

i looked at claudia, grabbed my jacket. she nodded at me and we both walked out the store. she was the first to talk as we walked, no destination in particular. "this stays between me and you, you and i. understood?"

"sure", but not aaliyah.

"good." she nodded once, "why did you ghost her?"

"why do you think you need answers? and that i'm gonna give them to you?" i raised a brow, my hands crossed.

"listen to me violet, billie is at my house, sleeping. i'd like to be there when she's awake, so i advise you to start talking." she said. i stayed silent.

"you still didn't answer my question."

"and you didn't answer mine, i asked first." she said. "i know you care about her, why else would you call me yesterday at the party?"

i clench my teeth, i almost break, i almost tell her. "because she was making a fool out of herself."

she audibly sighed, "don't lie to me, i said i won't tell anyone about this interaction."

"i am not obligated to give you answers. to me, you are no one. i don't know where you found the confidence to approach me at my work place and demand having this ridiculous chat with me about your sister in law." i shook my head.

"you're trying to convince me that you went through the trouble of finding my number yesterday, asking many people individually for it, just because billie was 'making a fool out of herself'? when most people go you are 'no one.'"

"you and i both know you care about her violet, if you don't talk to me and explain right now. you're never going to have any kind of relationship with her, i am not going to allow it." she shook her head. i almost crack, i almost let my tongue spit the truth out.

"that's what i want, nothing to do with her."

"good."

"very well, guess that's settled then."

"i don't know how she found a way to find an interest in you." she shook her head again. "i thought you were at least a decent human being."

"she's better off without me." i whispered, when claudia turned around to leave. she stopped for a brief second and realized that she wasn't supposed to hear that then left.

she is better off without me, i don't have to explain. i don't have to overthink about it. i don't have to force myself to find reasons that explain why i'm not a horrible human being for my choices. i don't need to convince myself that she's better of without me, i know she better off without me.