Collide (Steve Rogers)

Chapter 36

Steve's POV

No. No, no, no. "Liv..." I whispered. She was gone. I held her as she disappeared into dust. My heart felt like it was just shattered into a million pieces. Bucky. Sam. Liv. Wanda. T'Challa. The whole fantastic four. The talking tree. They were just gone. Half of the universe was just...gone. Just like that.

Oh my god, Tony.

How was I supposed to tell him Liv was gone? That is if he was still alive. Liv and Bruce explained that he took off after a spaceship and hadn't been seen or heard from since. But if he was alive, what was I supposed to tell him? That I failed her? That I failed at protecting the one person that meant more to me than anyone? The person he trusted me to protect, even after everything.

I let out a soft sob and felt Nat rest her hand on my shoulder. "I'm sorry Steve..." She whispered. I hung my head, unable to get up off the ground.

"The king is dead. I must go back to the palace." Okoye announced, her voice shaky. "We will reach out to you. We're gonna fix this." Nat said.

"Let's go home, Steve." She whispered. I picked up the dust in front of me and shook my head. "I can't, Nat. I failed her." I whispered. "You didn't fail anyone." She held onto my arm and helped me up. I felt numb. My entire world just ended right in front of me. My entire future...just gone. I leaned on Nat and Rhodey the whole way back to the jet.

I failed.

-

We had gotten back to the new 'Avengers' compound that Tony moved everyone too sometime after our fallout. He and Liv had been back and forth between it and the tower, but the tower got destroyed when the Children of Thanos arrived. We had been there for a few days and I had done nothing but lay in Olivia's bed and try not to break down. It still smelled like her. A smell I wasn't too optimistic that I'd ever smell again. Nat would come by and bring me some food but it all went uneaten. The only thing I had consumed was Asgardian Ale with Thor. He was pretty beaten up about everything too. We had learned that Thanos had killed half of the remaining Asgardians after Asgard was destroyed. Even Loki died trying to kill Thanos.

More days passed on and I didn't get better. Olivia's smell was slowly starting to fade and when that happened...I didn't know what I'd do. "Steve, please eat something." Nat whispered as she walked into the room with a plate of pancakes and eggs. "I'm not hungry, Nat."

She sighed and set the food down before sitting down on the edge of the bed. "I miss her too, okay? So fucking much. But she wouldn't want you to kill yourself Steve. We need you."

"We can't get them back, Nat. They're gone. They're all gone." I mumbled.

"At least get up and shave, please...for me?" I looked over at her and sighed, sitting up. "Shower and shave." She reiterated. I nodded and dragged myself out of bed and into the bathroom. I started the shower and stepped into the burning hot water. I let the dirt and blood finally wash off of my body and down the drain. That was gross.

I even used Olivia's shampoo just so I could feel close to her. Once I was done, I wrapped a towel around my lower half and stepped out, looking at myself in the mirror. Nat had laid out a razor and shaving cream. I sighed and picked it up, ridding myself of my outgrown beard.

I set the razor down and looked at myself in the mirror. I looked like myself but I didn't feel like myself. I looked up at the mirror again and watched it shake a little. What the hell? It was like an earthquake. I rushed out of the room and to the lawn outside where a jet was being brought down by a woman glowing.

She sets the jet down and the entry hatch opens, allowing two people to slowly emerge. One of them...Tony. I heard Pepper gasp next to me as we both ran off towards him. He was being supported by the other person. I get to him first and he reaches out to me, grasping my arm. "Couldn't stop him." Tony croaks out. "Neither could I." I said, quietly.

"I lost the kid." Tony looks up at me with sad eyes and I know he means Peter. Liv had told me all about him. His eyes glance around and land on Pepper as she reaches us. "Oh, my God! Oh, my God!" She embraces him in a tight hug.

"It's okay. I'm okay." Tony says to her. Pepper and I start to help him walk back towards the compound. His eyes find Rhodey, Bruce, Nat, and Rocket the Raccoon before he looks at me. "Where's Liv?" He asks, but I can tell he already knows the answer. I look down, tears threatening to fall again. "She's gone, Tony." I whisper. His eyes go glassy and he falls forwards. "No..." Tony whispers. "I'm sorry Tony...I couldn't save her." I felt shaky. I felt like I was reliving her turning into dust in front of me all over again.

Rhodey pats my shoulder and takes my place, helping Tony inside. "Take him to the lab." Bruce says, following behind them. The rest of us slowly file inside and decide to go into the training room. I needed to punch something. I set up a punching bag on a hook and got started with my bare hands. No tape, no nothing. I felt like I deserved this pain. I didn't pull my punches, I just hit...and hit...and hit...until one bag after another was beaten to a pulp. My hands bloody and bruised. But it wouldn't bring Liv back. Nothing would and I just had to get used to that.

-

"It's been 23 days since Thanos came to Earth." Rhodey explains to the group of us that are left after the snap while walking around a hologram. Photos of missing persons appearing alongside it. "World governments are in pieces. The parts that are still working are trying to take a census. And it looks like he did... he did exactly what he said he was gonna do. Thanos wiped out fifty percent of all living creatures." Nat said.

"Where is he now? Where?" Tony asked. Bruce had helped him gain a little strength back through IV's but he was still very weak. "We don't know. He just opened a portal and walked through." I said quietly. Tony glances over to Thor who is sitting off to the side with a scowl on his face, "What's wrong with him?"

"Oh, he's pissed. He thinks he failed. Which of course he did, but you know there's a lot of that's going around, ain't there?" Rocket replied and Tony looked at him weirdly. "Honestly, until this exact second, I literaly thought you were a Build-A-Bear."

"Tony, we've been hunting Thanos for three weeks now. Deep Space scans, and satellites, and we got nothing. Tony, you fought him." I said. He scoffed and looked around the room. "Who told you that? I didn't fight him. No, he wiped my face with a planet while the Bleecker Street Magician gave away the store. That's what happened. There was no fight."

"Okay." I said softly, he was hurting. He lost Liv too. Peter. "He's unbeatable." Tony says again.

"Did he give you any clues, any coordinates, anything?" I asked. I had been channeling all of my angry energy into finding Thanos. "I saw this coming a few years back. I had a vision. I didn't wanna believe it. Thought I was dreaming." He said, referencing Ultron.

"Tony, please. I need you to focus."

"And I needed you!!" He yelled. "As in past tense. And all you did was let me down. You lost Liv." His voice trembled and he stumbled forwards. Rhodey quickly comes in front of him and holds him up.

"Tony, Tony, Tony!"

"I trusted you with her and you lost her. You promised to always keep her safe!" He said, pointing his finger at me.

"It wasn't his fault, Tony. Thanos won." Nat said, coming to my defense. "No. He's right. I lost Liv and now I get to live with that." I spun around and made my way out of the room. "I got nothing for you, Cap! I got no coordinates, no clues, no strategies, no options. Zero. Zip. Nada. No trust! You're a liar!" He yelled after me. I quickly went back to Olivia's room and knocked over everything on the desk.

Things clattered on the floor and my eyes fixated on a thin, pen-like object that flew out from under a few drawings Liv had saved of mine. The one's of her. I bent down to pick it up and my heart stopped. I made my way quickly outside. "FUCK!" I yelled before falling down onto my knees.

I couldn't stop the pain.

Nat came outside a few minutes later and put her hand on my shoulder. "Tony didn't mean it. He's just upset..."

"No. He's right Nat. I lost Liv. I lost them both." I held up the object in my hand and heard her gasp softly, taking it from me. "Liv was pregnant..."