Go My Own Way (BOOK THREE OF THE 'DIDN'T KNOW IT BEFORE' SERIES)

Chapter Nine: The Read Through

We all ended up deciding to go back to the campground after all, so I trailed behind Gina and Ricky while trying to assess my feelings. 

Maybe I was jumping to conclusions and misunderstanding EJ. But for him to throw last semester in my face, and basically say it was all my fault? I mean yes, most of it was my fault, but he had a part to play too. He lied to me, he kept secrets from me, so its not like he was innocent. 

Wait...hasn't this whole thing happened before? Like, during tech rehearsal for HSM?

"But you can't..." I sighed, looking up at the ceiling. "You can't just throw the past in my face whenever you get upset. How would you feel if we got into an argument, and I just started throwing out all of those things you told me and using them against you?" He nodded.

"You're right. I know you're right, I regretted it as soon as I said it. I'm sorry." I bit my lip, nodding and looking down at my lap. "You're probably really stressed out already. I didn't mean to add to your stress." 

Maybe history really does repeat itself.

But is that what I'm doing now? Adding to EJ's stress by...what? Wanting him to have fun this summer? Hanging out with my totally platonic friend that I have never, could never, and will never have feelings for? 

I saw movement in the corner of my eye as I headed toward Gina and I's tent. I looked over to see EJ, peering out of his own, his eyes landing on Ricky and Gina before moving to land on me. 

"Gina was with us," I said, "Not that it matters."

I went to follow after them. 

"Wait, Megan..." He trailed off and I stopped, not turning around to face him. He walked over, standing in front of me, but I glared past him, refusing to look at him. "Please look at me."

"I thought I told you before...the first semester of the year," I said, hating the mixture of anger and tears that were in my voice, "You can't just throw my past in my face every time you get upset."

"I know, Meg, I know-"

"That was mean," I cried, looking down at my feet, "You know how hard I've been working on myself, and you know how terrible I feel about what happened before...It isn't fair. I'm just trying to look out for you-"

"Megan, please," His voice wavered, prompting me to finally meet his eyes, only to find tears in them, "I know. I know all of that, and I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."

I reached up, wiping my tears away as his fell.

"You can't do this again," I whispered, shaking my head, "This can't become a pattern, EJ. I can't handle that. And I'm sorry, if I added to your stress at all, and I'm sorry if I was jumping to conclusions, but there has to be other ways to talk about things."

"I know, you're right," He agreed, "I'm really, really sorry, ok? It was uncalled for, and I've been kicking myself ever since you left. I hate that I made you feel that way, and I don't...I don't want to lose you again. Please, don't break up with me."

My eyes widened. 

"You think I'm gonna break up with you?" I asked. He shrugged looking down at his feet as he began crying even harder. "Eeg..." 

"I'd deserve it, wouldn't I?" He asked. 

"No," I took a step forward, putting a hand on his face and forcing him to look at me, "EJ, no, nobody is breaking up with anybody. That isn't going to happen again, I promise."

"Can you promise that?" He wondered, taking my hand off of his face. "What if I screw this up, I mean what if I mess up worse than I did tonight-"

"That won't happen, ok?" I said. "EJ, this stuff happens. We're human beings, we make mistakes. The only thing that matters is how we choose to learn from them, to grow. It doesn't have to mean the end just because you hurt my feelings."