Shadow Butcher (LokixAvengersxOC)

The What Ifs

Shadow's p.o.v.

Tossing in my sleep, I open my eyes to see a wholly new bedside table. Once I was completely awake, all the terrible things from the prior days got me hiding beneath the blanket in shame.

The odd thing is, usually I feel totally loaded up with the new energy I inherited during my pass out after I revived someone. The sensation of returning a soul to the belonged corpse and giving it a new life force was always something that got me hyped up.

Just like a Goddess should be feeling when someone possesses this power and can use it on someone useful.

But the thing is, I don't feel any of the vibe. Instead, my mental state ruins me.

Silent tears flood down my rosy cheeks as I remember how disappointed and hurt Loki had been when he found out about our aborted child. My heart breaks as I think about how he didn't even want to look in my direction. As if he was completely done with our relationship. Done with us and especially done with me.

"Hey, Jazz. You're finally awake."

Tony smiles and pulls down the blanket to reveal my red and puffy eyes. His smile falters when he sees in what kind of state I am.

I shot up on the bed and paced around the room, seemingly confused since this wasn't a room I was familiar with. At first, I thought it was a hospital room but the furniture looked comparable to the ones from the Tower.

"Where's Loki?" I gasp and try to figure out which of the three doors is the exit. "I have to justify it to him. I need to see him."

Tony walks up to me and holds me by the shoulders to stop the racing mind that led me to walk around like an unstable mental patient.

"He didn't leave his room since we arrived here."

A sob escapes my lips when I no longer can hold back the tears, "He hates me."

"Oh, Shadow," Tony sighs and takes me into his arms while I wet his shirt's collar with my salty tears. "He just needs some space and time."

Through my breakdown, I inhaled an unsteady breath as my voice sounded broken, "I don't think- I don't think he- he will ever for-forgive me."

"Maybe not currently." Tony pauses and pulls me away to look me into my eyes. His eyes are sincere with his brows raised. "Your spilled secret shocked all of us, Jazz. Some can digest that kind of shock as if it were only a little surprise and others let it get more under their skin. Loki is the kind who needs more time to digest it. Alone."

I sniff and wipe my tears away with my robe, which bothers me who took my suit off and clothed me into some nice undergarments. Again, something more bothered me when Tony said that as if he wasn't talking out of experience but of our teammates who all went through it since we're like a small family.

"Where are the others? Pietro? Is he fine?", I ramble out a few other incoherent questions that came to my head, since I was out for two days and wasn't up to date anymore.

"He's fine." He nodded reassuringly, knowing that I was afraid my powers to revive him didn't work with my weak state. "You should sit down, Shadow."

I shake my head and take a step back to create space between us. "I've been in a coma for two days, I'm fine on my feet."

Tony sighs defeated, "Okay."

I wait as Tony walks past me to the window, where then I notice we're not back in New York. I can't remember when NYC had so much green on the outside unless this is just an illusion, projected by Stark's tech to flicker some grass on the monitor.