WILD HEARTS

CHAPTER 7

Shehnaaz stared at the particular contact on her phone. It had been 2 months since they last met. She felt she had been doing fine lately and had things under control. But the shocking revelations and the harsh reality of her present along with a precarious future left her shaken up and triggered. Her mounting anxiety and the panic attack day before made her reconsider her decision. Her thoughts drifted to the episode again. 

It all started with a ridiculous argument. With her mind occupied and mostly disturbed, Shehnaaz had forgotten to inform Shefali about a change in their practical timetable leading Shefali to consequently miss a class. She was pissed of course but she knew that it was an honest mistake on her friend’s part and let it go. She had also been waiting for Shehnaaz to tell her about her date. What began as a harmless teasing session gradually turned into a fight.

“What the fuck is your problem? Tujhse kuch puchu toh itna chidti kyun hai har baat pe”? Shefali asked, clearly annoyed now.

“Arre I told you there’s nothing to tell. Kuch hoga toh bata dungi,” replied Shehnaaz, equally irritated.

“You expect me to tell you every single thing about my life but when it comes to you, suddenly ‘there’s nothing to tell’. You always do this. I’m kinda sick of it, honestly!”

“What do you want, Shefali? I’m a private person. Itne saalon baad ab pata chala? I share when I want to!”

“Why is everything such a secret for you? Why can’t you open up for once and let me in? Yet, mere time pe you don’t let me keep anything to myself. Nahin batati hoon toh you start playing hurt games!”

“Hurt games? Are you kidding me?” Shehnaaz snapped.

“Yes!” Shefali shouted.

“Why the fuck are you overreacting like this to something that isn’t even an issue?? Is it because I forgot to inform about lab?”

Shefali’s face changed. Now she was beyond angry. How dare she? Does she think her to be so petty that she’d play revenge games?

“Just shut up ok! Main uss baare mein soch bhi nahi rahi thi. I’m not that petty, FYI!” Shefali retorted. “I just want you to share things with me. That is what friends are for. I’m not saying ki tu kabhi nahi batati kuch but sometimes you just close up and shut me out. I never complain about this but sometimes it feels—”

“OH MY GOD SHEFALI JUST GIVE IT A REST!! Agar kabhi kabhi I don’t tell you things then it doesn’t mean that I am shutting you out. I tell you everything so if I’m keeping some things to myself then maybe I’m not ready to share them as yet. Cut me some slack!” Shehnaaz bellowed, slamming her books shut. They were in the corridor and needless to say the shouting match had begun to attract public attention.

“Awaaz neeche kar,” Shefali hissed. “Don’t create a scene! And Shehnaaz, everybody has a limit. Friendship is a two-way traffic. If you continue with this attitude koi nahi hoga tere saath. Rehna phir akeli tu zindagi bhar, apne secrets ko dil mein chhupake!” This was the first time they had such a serious argument. Shefali was about to leave when she noticed her face changing colours.

Suddenly Shehnaaz felt triggered. Those last words that her best friend uttered seemed to pierce through her heart. It made her feel cold. She was correct, wasn’t she? Wasn’t that going to be her reality very soon? With trembling hands she gathered her books as her breathing became shallow. She could feel her hands getting clammy and her heart pounding. She needed to get away real quick! Looking around she felt disoriented. Where were the stairs? By now she knew she was on the verge of a full blown panic attack and she was on a flight mode. Her breathing became even more laboured and some papers slipped out of her hands. Faintly recalling there was a women’s washroom ahead Shehnaaz made a blind run towards it.