my broken smile - Wenclair Fanfiction

Chapter 4: Enid's Soliloquy

(enid pov)
 "Actually, I don't think I can make it. I'll see you tomorrow."

I sigh at the text from my roommate. It was probably just a timing issue, but I can't help blaming the gorgon next to me. Ajax smiles, and I try to smile back, subtly inching away from him on the couch. The boy takes the hint gracefully, and sits upright. I sigh in relief, and curl up on the other side. I love Ajax. Ajax loves me, he says it all the time. I haven't said it back yet. I do. I have to. Dating Ajax was always what I wanted. Right? It has to be. Why did my heart skip a beat when Wednesday suggested coming early? Why is it in my stomach now that she isn't? I must have eaten something. That explains the stomach ache. I love Ajax. I have to. I wouldn't love anyone else. Who would that be? I can think of someone... No! I will not go down that path. I love Ajax. That is how it has to be.

But I don't let him get too close for the rest of the evening anyway.

Ajax flies out the next day. He kisses me goodbye in the airport. I let him, and stay silent. Hurt flickers in his eyes, but he knocks it aside. After all, I'm just not used to this. I do love him. He knows that. I know that. I love Ajax.

I'm a mess waiting for Wednesday. She doesn't answer her phone. She is just busy! She keeps it on silent, anyway. And there is probably no signal on the bus. I'm being ridiculous. WHY DO I CARE SO MUCH? I can't believe it, she is just my roommate. And sort of my friend. But that is it! I don't understand why I feel a way I never have before about Wednesday Addams. It sounds ridiculous. It is ridiculous. I am being ridiculous. I love Ajax. Wednesday is my roommate.

My roommate who let me sleep in her bed because I had a nightmare. Who texted me every night in case I had it again. She was just being thorough. It isn't feelings, because she doesn't have any. That would be impossible. And I don't have any either. Not beyond gratitude and friendship. I am just tired. This will all go away. Maybe I'm still in shock. That must be it. I love Ajax.

I pause. I'm on the floor, my hands in my hair. I don't know how I got there. I was just standing in my room. What is wrong with me?

I stand up slowly.

I take a deep breath.

I smooth out my sweater.

I gently run my hands through my hair.

Inhale. Exhale.

A knock at the front door.

My dad opening it.

Wednesday's voice.

Dammit.