NYXIE: THE LONG LOST EMPRESS (COMPLETED)

Prologue

Warning: Suicide attempt and abusive language.

"Did your mother know about your situation, huh, Alora?" Dr. Baek asked in a concerned voice.

I shook my head. "No." I smiled bitterly at her. "Even if I tell her, she won't believe me. She just sees me like a puppet, a disappointment."

Nandito ako ngayon sa isang psychiatric clinic for counseling. I'm not crazy or something, I'm just suffering from a deep depression.

"Don't say that. Your mom loves you." Sagot niya.

I smiled lividly, "Kung mahal niya ako bakit niya ako tinatrato na parang sinira ko ang buhay niya." I breathed heavily to hinder the tears that try to escape in my eyes. "I tried everything, doc. I even became a famous lawyer just to make her proud. Baka kasi kapag ginalingan ko at sinunod ko ang mga bagay na gusto niya ay mamahalin niya ako."

It hurts a lot. I've been suffering since the day I was born because I was trying hard to get her love. Pero ni isang beses never kong naramdaman.

"But it's still not enough. Bakit n-naman ganito, b-bakit pakiramdam ko wala akong karapatang s-sumaya. M-Mali bang mag-asam ng pagmamahal ng isang ina, k-kasi ang hirap eh." Nahihirapang sambit ko.

She just smiled, sadly. "It's not your fault, Alora. You're a good person, a good daughter. You said that all your life you've been trying hard to please your mother to get her love, am I right?" I nodded. "Then why don't you try to love yourself first? Kasi sa nakikita ko habang ginagawa mo ang mga bagay para mahalin ka ng mama mo, unti-unti namang nawawala ang love mo sa sarili mo."

Doon na tumulo ang luhang kanina ko pa pinipigilan. I tried my best to hold my sobs but I failed. Then I felt her hand held mine to comfort me.

"How can I love myself if I don't experience the love itself? I don't even know what love feels." I answered, "Papaano ko gagawin ang isang bagay na hindi ko man lang naranasan o naramdaman."

I didn't even know how to save myself. I am lost; I am in pain. Everything just falls apart for me.

"But that's the only way to heal yourself. You just need to take one step at a time and try the things that you want to do, not the things that your mother told you to. If you still don't know, then why don't you seek them out so that you'll find the answer, the cure to heal yourself?" She said softly.

I breathed heavily and smiled this time; it's genuine. "Thanks, doctor. I'll keep that in mind," I said, bowing my head before leaving.

Bubuksan ko na sana ang pinto nang magsalita s'ya. "You can do it, Alora. I know you can. Just don't give up, okay?"

I smiled again and faced her. "Thank you again, doc thanks for everything." She smiled at me softly before I turned my back on her and leave.

Agad na pumara ako ng cab nang makalabas na ako sa clinic.

"Saan po kayo ma'am?" The cab driver asked me.

I sighed, "Sa Dasmariñas Village po kuya." After that, the driver started the engine and drove me to the village.

Nakatingin lang ako sa bintana habang minamasdan ang magandang tanawin sa labas. The city lights were mesmerizing. Kung sana ganito kaganda ang buhay ko, edi sana masaya ako.

"Ang daya ng Diyos," I whispered under my breath.

"Hindi po madaya ang Diyos ma'am. Sadyang mga tao lang talaga ang may deperensya at madaya." aniya ng driver

I flinched when I heard him answer. How did he hear what I just whispered? I didn't answer him, but he has a point.

"Maganda po ang mundo, dapat niyo lang talagang imulat ang mga mata niyo." Dagdag pa nito.