One Last Chance

No Take Backs

Charlotte pulled her luggage into the hotel room, it was already 11pm and she had just finished her fan meeting. She entered the dark room but the air conditioning was already on, and the bathroom nearby was still emitting a scent of shampoo. She released a breath, locked the door gently and placed her luggage to the side of an unoccupied bed, trying to be as quiet as possible.

It was a hotel room with two queen beds, she regrettably switched on the night lamp on her side, the warm yellow glow casted lonely shadows on the luxurious walls. She glanced onto the familiar silhouette of the woman on the bed next to her, her back facing to her. 

That’s right, she was, unsurprisingly, assigned to be this woman’s roommate again. She stood next to her bed for a moment, just staring at the unmoving figure. Her heart ached slightly but that was too, unsurprising, as it had been the same for the past 3 years. Charlotte was broken out of her trance by her own yawn, she shook her head and got ready to shower. 

After her nightly routine, she switched off the hallway and bathroom light before going back to the sleeping quarters. Her steps are muffled by the soft carpet of the hotel, her tired body was urging her to go to bed but her heart pulled her to the woman on the other side of the room. Her feet unconsciously brought her to her bedside, Charlotte hesitated as she raised her arm. 

So very slowly and gently, she lifted the strand of hair covering the older woman’s face to the back of her ear. She then put the back of her hand on her forehead. 

Good, there’s no fever. Charlotte thought to herself, let her hand lingered selfishly for another second before pulling back. She got into her own bed and switched off her light. The room fell into quiet darkness. 

P’Fa and her had an event together in Phuket, it was a collaboration of MGI with another new uprising entertainment company. As shareholders, they of course attended the event opening with other pageants and artists. However, she could say they have totally interacted at most 3 times throughout the night. Once when they both arrived for pictures, twice on stage for more pictures and last when she had to pass P’Fa something from the organizer, to which the older woman only replied with a brief thank you. The official dinner ended at 9pm but there was a mini DJ party where the lights dimmed low and drinks started getting loose. They both separated as soon as the obligation to be together was over, socializing with their own friends.

As much as Charlotte did not want to pay the other woman any attention, her treacherous heart made her steal glances when she felt no one was watching. After working with P’Fa for almost 4 years, she knew the woman well enough. She knew the telltale signs of migraine, when P’Fa would frown a little more, would take sips of water in between her favorite wine, and would subtly press on the back of her neck more often. Just a little after 10pm, she saw the older woman say something to P’Sun and excused herself for the night. Charlotte lingered behind, she had no reason to go back early with her, she could already imagine how cold and stiff the hotel room would be with the two of them being in such a confined space.

That was just the way they were, that was Englot. 

Up and down, hot and cold, ecstatic and depressing. 

Charlotte thought she should be used to it by now, is this kind of relationship toxic? Undoubtedly it is, her therapist said so, her friends said so, even her father said so. It wasn’t that Charlotte did not want to move on completely, she had plenty of suitors, but it was simply the fact that her heart couldn’t fall in love with anyone else. She flirted with other men, she had a good feeling about them but she just couldn't seem to commit to anything more. P’fa was the only person who made her feel the way she felt, the other woman single handedly brought out all the emotions in her: sadness, happiness, anger, disappointment, hope, despair, in love, and most of all, passion. Whenever she met someone new with potential, she couldn’t help but compare.