Hailee is 19
Yn is 18
Background info:
Yn goes to college learning how to be an pre school teacher and hailee is pursuing being an actress, Yn is coming to the last 3 months of college and is debating on giving up (just like me at the moment) but hailee helps her out.
TW ⚠️: mental abuse from parents, bad anxiety.
Song recommendations for this chapter: first, play teenage dream by Olivia Rodrigo for the part of this chapter, that's before the nine year time skip, and then after the nine year time skip, play the song she's so lovely by Scouting for Girls.
Yns pov:
I'm currently sat in my lecture about play, trying to write down as much information i can, so i get a distinction on my next assignment. I find my eyes feeling heavier and heavier, but I can't sleep, if i fail this course I can't get a job in childcare next year and I'll be a complete and utter failure! My whole family works in education I cannot be the failure of the family!
I really wish that my girlfriend hailee was with me right now. She's currently a few states over at the pitch perfect 2 premier, she asked if I wanted to come with her, but I had to say no as I cannot fail this course and I know I'll fail if I miss another few classes after being off sick for two weeks. She's called me a few times asking me weather I wanted her to come home, obviously I wanted her to come home, I felt like shit, obviously I didn't tell her that though, from the videos and press photos, she looks so happy, and I wouldn't want to be the one to ruin that. I feel like if she were to come home, with the state that I'm in, I would just ruin her happiness.
Two weeks later:
I was sat in mine and hailee's apartment slumped over the table thinking about what to write next on my stupid.... STUPID child development essay! In all honesty after the first two months of the course I've wanted to give it up, it's not necessarily that I WANTED to give up, it's just that I feel like I've been lied to, the professors that are on my course were so positive at the start, but now they couldn't care less. Their only aim is to get us to pass the course they don't care about us anymore. They lied to us. They said most of our lessons would be practical which is why I joined, being Neurodivergent and all It seemed very suitable for me to join a course about childcare that was mainly practical, but now all I seem to be doing in class is sitting at a desk, Listening to teachers read off a PowerPoint slide. And every time I go into nurseries, because it's required to pass my course, I just get sneezed on, puked on, shit on, and have stuff thrown at my head. Yes I do know that, that stuff happens, while working in childcare, but I didn't realise that it happened 99% of the time, it just makes me feel like I want to give up, it's like 80% of my career makes me feel like shit and 20% of the time it makes me feel like the happiest person on earth, but that 80% takes over the 20% and makes me doubt my life choices. You know? Am I doing this career Just because my family works in the same career or because everyone tells me that I'm good at it? Am I doing this because I enjoy it?, I'm not so sure anymore. I always loved acting, it's how me and hailee met, drama class in high school. I wanted to pursue it..... until my mum told me I wasn't good enough. Hailee tried to convince me that I was, but the damage was already done. My mums word meant EVERYTHING to me. So I went into childcare and now I'm unhappy as ever. Maybe I miss communicated, loving working with children with wanting to have children and being a mother.
I think I've always craved motherhood, maybe it's because I wanted to bring a child into the world at treat them better then my mother ever treated me. I wanted care for someone, and tell them that they were good enough, and everything would work out for them.
I didn't realise I was crying, until a stream of steadily flowing tears ran down my notebook, like a river of woes.
Why do I put myself through this, I always stay up late after days of procrastination, so I can get my assignments in just in time, just for it to turn into a late night crying session.
