(Somewhat angsty) Good omens one shots

Heart broken

Oh my God! I'm so so so sorry that I haven't updated in so long! I've been working on a few one shots on paper and didn't realise I hadn't posted! This one is my longest by far though so I hope that makes it better xx.

Crowley POV:
"You go too fast for me."

"We aren't friends!"

"I don't even like you!"

"We're hereditary enemies"

"An angel and a demon"

"Nothing lasts forever"

"I forgive you"

Each time I re-lived those moments I felt my heart break more and more. Especially when I noticed details that I really should have seen sooner that made it incredibly obvious to me that Aziraphale had only just begun to see me as a friend and wanted absolutely nothing more. And that was fine, expected even, for him. He got to go of to live his best life in heaven. All while I tried desperately to fix my broken heart before it killed me.

You see for supernatural beings (or at least angels and demons) heartbreak was literal. So my working theory is the reason Heaven is so cold and calculating is because so many angels lost loved ones in the Fall that most of Heaven is heartbroken. The same thing happened in Hell, we were all betrayed and thrown aside like broken toys so it's no surprise really that most of us felt our hearts shatter and did nothing about it.

But some of us of did do something about it, me obviously and Beelzebub. We (along with a few angels) put in the effort and healed our hearts but they were not perfect and never would be, they would always be fragile. So when me and Aziraphale first argued and it cracked so easily again it kind of scared me.

But I once again put in the effort, healed it and went to find Aziraphale again. And again. And again. And again. And I thought I would keep on fixing my broken heart and crawling back to him until the end of the world.

I took it one step further and averted the damn apocalypse and got us away from our respective head offices (not alone but the point still stands) and...well I ended up living in my car for 4 years. Then Gabriel showed up, Aziraphale called me and I helped him fix everything and we argued again and he left. Unsurprising really, considering it's everything he's ever wanted in his whole life, or at least as far as I can tell. He has a chance to be welcomed back to heaven with open arms, attempt to fix the very broken system and do with me following him around like a faithful dog.

But I've never been very faithful have I? Not that it mattered in the end, I did everything, said everything I could but it wasn't enough. Though it never has been so I don't know why I expected anything different then. Still felt my heart break. Still bloody hurt. Hurt even more knowing I wouldn't be able to fix it. Every other time there's been a reason to, a chance that he'll come back however slim but now I have run out of luck.

Honestly I feel better for it mentally, I guess I was in love with him for so long I forgot what it was like to just exist without spending everyday thinking about him. But even though I can't feel anymore my heart aches. I have a bad feeling it's broken in too many places, in too many ways for me to stay alive.

And the sad part is I don't care. I must have forgotten that before I met Aziraphale I had no reason to live. But it's far too late now, so I might as well go out with a bang. A very alcoholic bang.