It's not much the loss that hurts. Not much the fact that I started with nothing and built myself up to something, and not much the fact that I lost pretty much everything I had (and have) so rapidly and violently against the currents of life.
It's the false hope. The fatamorgana, the personification of falsehood that has dangled itself between my eyes and in front of my nose all this time. It's the nightmares that ensues right after, the nights when I am too...disturbed to sleep just because of the recurring pain and agony life has put me through.
More pain, more false hope and more pain. The cycle continues.
It's time I break the cycle.
