There are some things I never told anyone about.
When I was approaching the vehicle that stopped in front of me, I considered speeding. My stomach churned, because I was somehow delighted. I thought it was the chance I have been waiting for. My leg was somewhat shaking, not out of fear, but excitement and curiosity.
But I hesitated. Because I knew it was too early.
On another topic, I had a brief discussion with my supervisor. With streaks of bad luck and my inconsistent commitment, she insinuated a choice for me to leave. I immediately jumped at it. I said I was considering, but not urgently.
She said everyone saw my potential, and it was only up to me if I want to do it.
Sounds familiar, no? I have always been told that I have the potential for almost everything I do, and yet I know it's not exactly true.
Besides, I can't afford to quit. I have so many unresolved problems to deal with and if I do this, I am just adding another one to my plate.
Furthermore, I have no more appetite for problems these days.
I miss the wind on my body and my face. I miss the sceneries, the sunsets and the night rides. I do not want to exaggerate but it felt right. Felt like I was born for it. Felt like I was put on this Earth for it.
It is just sad that the world decided to spin this way.
What else can I do? And what else can the world do for me except to torment my soul?
Every single second feels like another wave is coming to get me, and I no longer have the capacity to swim and stay afloat.
I am no longer sure of myself.
