Double Life (Larcel/Larry) *Trilogy*

Chapter 15

"Louis, I am so sorry, so, so, very sorry for not telling you. I tried I really did but I-I just couldn't do it. I didn't want you to find out like this! This was all a mistake I was supposed to tell you but I just didn't have the balls to tell you and now this happened and I feel awful. I'm sorry Lou." I said.

Louis slowly turned and looked at me, a blank expression on his face.

"Why though. I don't understand why you couldn't tell me."

"I was uh, I was scared." I admitted.

"Scared of what exactly?" He almost spat at me like he didn't believe I could be scared of something.

"That you wouldn't accept me. I know how much you like Marcel and how you weren't interested in Harry after and so I thought that if I told you, you wouldn't want to see me anymore since I'm both of them."

I watched as his eyes softened a bit but turned cold in a matter of seconds.

"You should of told me Marcel or Harry, I don't even know who you are, or who to call you." He yelled.

"My name is Marcel Harry Styles, so you call me Marcel." I almost whispered.

"I'm going." He said, getting up and starting to walk away.

"Do you know what it feels like to be hated Louis?" I yelled. He froze in place but didn't turn to look at me. "To know people hate you for who you are, or hating yourself because you lost yourself in this giant lie that's been going on for years now? Do you know how that feels?" I shouted.

"No, I don't know but what I do know is how it feels for your own mother to hate you because you are bisexual. Knowing that when you walk home she will look at you disgusted and want nothing to do with you. That you still live under her roof because she doesn't want the neighbours to find out about her sons sexuality. Do you know what it's like, to have your mother calling you all the time to ask who you are with and if you say you are with a boy she demands you to go home! Do you Styles, do you?" He yelled, holding back the tears as he turned around to look at me.

"I, n-no I don't."

"Well I do! Alright? That's why when I first went to kiss you, I left. She was the person who called me. I didn't want to go but I did for my mother. And now I don't want to let you go but I am not for my mum but for my sake. This is your fault, remember that." With that, he turned around and walked away.

I just stood, frozen in place, watching him walk away. I am such an idiot. I returned home and closed the front door behind me as I slid down it until I was sat on the floor. I pulled my knees close to my chest and sighed. How was I meant to know all that if he never told me?

I didn't know when but I fell asleep leaning against my door until loud knocks woke me up. I sighed as I got up and pulled down on the door handle, letting the door swing open to reveal Zayn. He had his eyebrows furrowed as he gave me a small wave and marched himself in my house.

"Please do come in." I said sarcastically as he stopped and turned to look at me. He shrugged and made his way to my living room. I followed behind and watched as he sat down and stared down at the carpeted floor.

"Can I help you?" I asked, a little annoyed of him just barging into my home.

"No, no. Do what you have to do." He said.

I gave him a very confused looked and leaned against the wall as I waited for something else from him. He sighed plenty of times as he kept looking at me but was looking away just as quickly.

"Are you going to say anything?" I asked after ten minutes had passed.

"I don't really know what to say." He shrugged, staring at his hands.

"Maybe why you're here?" I raised an eyebrow as he sighed once again.

"I don't know what's wrong with me. I've stopped for five months but I just couldn't stay away from it anymore. Every time I go home there's this voice at the back of my head telling me that I need it and I have to do it. At first I ignored it but as much as I ignored it, it got louder and louder until I snapped. Here I am again, doing it. I just can't stop anymore Marcy, I really can't."

"Zayn, I have no idea what you are talking about, what's this 'it' thing?" I asked pushing myself off the wall and walking over, sitting next to him.

"It-it's d-drugs." He whispered. He looked at me to see my reaction but I just stared at him. There was nothing I could say really I think. "You're, you're not mad?" He asked, searching my eyes for any sign of emotion.

"No Zayn. I'm not mad, I know what you mean." I said, looking away to stare at the TV.

He gasped. "You've done drugs before?"

"Yeah." I shrugged. "I've been clean for eight months, started them when I was fifteen."

"What made you start?" He asked.

"Losing my parents, forever." I answered honestly, looking back at Zayn to see him staring at me a bit confused but also with pity in his eyes.