The Scared and The Scarred

Chapter 23

Luca P.O.V 

- - - - - - -

It had been a week and two days. 

Nine days total. 

Two hundred and sixteen hours. 

Seven hundred and seventy-seven thousand and six hundred seconds. 

And another. 

And another. 

And another.

Another moment without her shy smile, or her pulling at her sleeves, or the sound of her sweet laugh.

Another moment without her. 

Another moment where I waited for her eyes to open, or monitor she was hooked up to to stop beeping. 

Another moment where I was haunted by all the terrible things I'd said to her when we met, or how she opened up to me and I pushed her away, or how I ignored her for days, weeks even. 

How I didn't tell her enough how beautiful she is, or how kind, and smart, and strong. 

Had I told her at all? I couldn't even remember now and it was killing me. 

I placed my head in my hands, my chest hurting from all the guilt and regret I was feeling, and had been feeling for the past nine days. 

This is my fault. 

All my fault.  

- Celia P.O.V -

I could feel myself slowly regaining consciousness, but as awake as I felt, it was as though I was trapped under a ton of bricks. 

My body felt like it was made of cement, and my eyelids refused to open no matter how hard I tried. 

In my mind I was freaking out, but finally convinced myself to calm down before trying again. Slowly my eyes opened, taking every bit of energy I had left in me. 

As I stared up at the ceiling my vision was blurred, and the lights blinding. 

I blinked slowly, my vision slightly clearing up. 

I opened my mouth, trying to call for help, but no sound came out. 

I tried again. 

"H-Help." 

The weak shaky voice that came from me didn't sound my own. 

- Luca P.O.V. - 

"H-Help." 

It was just a weak whisper, barely audible, but it was the best sound I'd ever heard. 

I lifted my head slowly, thinking it was just my imagination, but the first thing I saw when I looked up were her blue/green eyes blinking slowly at the lights above her bed. 

"Celia.." I whispered, shocked. 

I jumped from my chair running to her side. 

"Oh my, oh you're alive." I breathed, pushing the hair away from her eyes. 

I thought I was going to lose her, I really did. 

She tried to smile, but was too weak. 

"Its ok. Its ok." I spoke, "You're going to be really weak for a while, don't try to push yourself." I told her softly. 

She looked at me sadly, her eyes scanning my face. 

"Whats  wrong?" I asked quickly as a tear fell from her eyes, she didn't reply, but her weak I felt her hand softly cover mine. 

- Celia P.O.V - 

I looked up at Luca, barely recognizing him. 

He looked like he did when I was attacked last winter, only worse. He had lost more weight this time, and his eyes, rimmed with dark circles, looked dull. 

He looked exhausted, emotionally and physically. 

I couldn't help the tears that fell, knowing I had caused this. His fear of getting close to me and losing me was the reason he pushed me away in the first place, and this was the third time that fear had nearly became reality. 

He got me some water, and told me I'd been asleep for nine days, and I felt a sense of deja vu. I couldn't believe this was the second time we'd been put through this same thing. I felt guilty for doing this to him twice. 

"I'm sorry, Luca." I said, my voice still not returned to normal. 

"What? Why would you be sorry?" He asked me. 

"Because, this is what you were afraid of." I sighed. "And its happened twice now. I've put you through this twice now." 

"You haven't put me through anything, Celia, this is my father's fault, you can't blame yourself for someone else's actions." He replied. 

"Luca, I'm the one who kept trying to get through to you when you pushed me away, you didn't want to let yourself get attached in case of something like this, and now you are. That I do blame myself for. Because this is going to get bad, Luca. I'm sure by now you understand this is something we may not make it out of. Were up against an army." I told him. 

"No. I'm not having this conversation with you." He said standing from my bed, where he'd been sitting, and turning away from me. 

"Luca, we have to talk about this. I can't deal with the thought of what might happen to you if something happens to me. Look at you, when was the last time you've eaten? Or slept?" I asked motioning to his appearance. "If something happens to me, you have to move on Luca, you have to be ok." I cried. 

"I can't!" He yelled, turning to face me. "I can't be ok without you! I can't even think about eating or sleeping when I think I may never look into your eyes again, or hear your voice. I can't move on, because you're all I have left. My mother is dead, I don't even know my own sister. You're all thats left, and if something happens to you, I'm done, Celia. I'm done. I can't take any more of this." 

Looking into his eyes, I knew he meant every word of what he'd said. It was hard to expect that of him, when I knew that if something happened to him, I'd react the same way. 

"Come here." I sighed. 

He sat down on the edge of the bed and hugged him. He returned my hug, burying his face into my hair. 

"I guess we both just better be ok then." I told him softly. 

We'll be ok. 

I kept repeating it in my head, but no matter how many time I said it, it still sounded like a lie.