fuck boy | kang daniel

3.3

(narration)

"me? what do you mean?"

we sat side by side, on a random bench in the park next to our homes. glancing up at daniel with furrowed brows, i awaited his response amidst the silence of the night.

"when i was 15, i had my first proper girlfriend. she was my senior, a year older than me. i loved her so much. i bought her anything she asked for, did anything she wanted me to do, but i was so naïve and stupid. i thought that she loved me as much as i loved her, but i was so fucking wrong. a couple months after we starting dating, i found out that she had been going out with other guys behind my back. i had never felt so betrayed, so angry and so broken in my entire life. when we broke up, that's when i started dating girls just for fun. that's when i started to fuck with other people's feelings, just like how she did to me. to see the hurt on their faces after i dumped them, it gave me a sense of satisfaction. i was fucked in the brain, and i wondered if i had gone insane because i felt no guilt whatsoever. i was, what you call, a fuckboy."

"i never wanted to be in a proper relationship ever again, because i was afraid that the same thing was going to happen to me. it has been more than 4 years since i've felt any form of attraction towards another human."

"well, until now."

hearing daniel's words, my emotions were all over the place. one second i was disgusted at how he behaved in the past, but the next second i can feel the butterflies giving the inside of my stomach a bitch slap.

"i know you hate fuckboys, but i've realised that there's nothing fun about toying with other people's feelings. i know that what i've done in the past is disgusting, unforgivable, atrocious. but if you just gave me a chance to prove that i'm no longer who i was in the past, i will."

i looked at him, unsure of what to respond with. his gaze was fixed on the sky, his eyes were glossy, and to be honest, so were mine.

"i.. don't know, daniel.." i said after a long period of dead silence. daniel turned his head, his eyes bore into mine, a tear drop fell from his left eye and he hastily wiped it away with the sleeve of his flannel.

"okay. i was expecting that." he stood up, and was about to walk off, but before he could, i grabbed his hand, causing him to turn around abruptly with a startled expression.

"i said i don't know, i didn't say no! so where the fuck do you think you're going, leaving me all alone in this spooky ass park at night? what if i get kidnapped, and your ass isn't there to save me? what am i supposed to do, then, huh? ever thought about that?" i blurted out, my voice came out as a mix of frustration and a tinge of hurt.

daniel looked at me, his eyes wide with surprise, even though he was still crying.

i took out the last piece of tissue paper i had in my bag, handing it to daniel. but instead of using it on his own face, like he was supposed to, he sat down beside me and used the tissue paper to dry the tears that i didn't even realise were flowing out of my eyes like fucking niagara falls.

"alright, alright, i'm sorry.." daniel muttered, pulling me into a side-ways hug. we just stayed there for a while, until our tears finally stopped and we could think straight again.

"so, was that an okay?"

i nodded, "yep, that was an okay."