Monica. (When Life Takes A Wrong Turn Series #1)

Chapter 1: knocked Down.

Mask it

Close it

Be strong

Don't feel

Don't love

Don't trust

Don't care

Don't show it

Close it all

Don't be human

Fight emotions

Lose humanity.

I stared at the first verse of my recent poem: Mask It All. A smile tugged at the corner of my lips, about to light up my empty, safe, dark paradise I called a room. 

I wrote this poem cause I felt that, all my life I’d been wearing a mask, always afraid of the person I might be, always afraid of accepting who I was, so the solution was to become a Chameleon, but since my recent experience I’d been emotionally dead, been constantly sad even though I tried acting strong for Alice. 

I raised my head, a few parts of my stretched hair fell on my cheeks, my brown eyes moved on own to a frame of my family. 

I stood up from the couch, dropping the script as I moved closer to the frame of my beautiful family, I held the frame in my hand looking at the love and happiness that flashed between us in the picture, we all had on huge smiles as big as the earth. 

My heart ached in pain as their smiley faces taunted me, calling me useless and worthless, raising the bar of my insecurities and fear. Reminding me of how Life killed me. 

My heart ached harder each moment I held the frame, disappointment, anger, shame and pain vibrated my every tissue illuminating the room with the darkness I carry about. 

My face flashed with anger, anger at life for knocking me down so hard I’ll never rise again. 

I slammed the frame against the wall, listening to its sweet pitch that crashed splitting the frame into tiny shards of glass that hid the ground in a clattering sound. 

My nostrils flared up as I breathe heavily, every thought going through me hurt like hell, those thoughts and voices ripped my inside and increased the size of my open wound that was fresh and raw. 

It’s been a week, they’ve been gone for a week, I’ve been dead for a week, one week without them was like being trapped in the belly of sorrow. I had lied to myself saying they would come back, they always did, they never let go of me, but now it seems they did. 

The day of that tragic burial resurrected anger, pain, insecurities and fears that created a deep scar that would last forever. 

I missed them all, my Mama, Papa and two younger siblings. They left me alone with Alice who was a wreck lately trying to accept that her only sister was gone. 

Alice was my aunt and only family now, she had always been my best friend, mentor, my rock and everything. She was the best aunt in the world and I loved her so much. 

My head spun around as those disgusting voices came back along  with severe aches all over my body, making my heart bleed from the excruciating pain. 

I moved closer to the white sofa as I leaned against it grabbing my head, whimpering in pain. 

Growing up, I had had problems with my anger; I had an eternal burning flame of anger always buried underneath me. My Papa and Alice were the only people who could snap me out of it easily before I hurt anyone around me.