Beautiful Mess (Book I)

Chapter twelve

"You're the last thing my heart expected."

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•Kyle•

"Lilly, what about you? Tell us how you feel about this group, " Shelley proceeds after making sure that Star is done speaking.

Lilly clears her throat but doesn't glare at us this time. "You guys aren't so bad. I mean, there are times that some of you say dumb shit and it makes me want to stab my eyes so I wouldn't look at you again, but uh... yeah."

Gee, what a heartwarming compliment.

"We're flattered." Megan rolls her eyes, irritated. "I don't have much to say because the question is whether or not this session is helping us. And I, don't need any help from any of you."

"I say it's helping me, a lot," May admits on her turn, shifting back the atmosphere in the room. "I've never been a social person. I'm sure you can all tell." She laughs nervously. "Ever since I was a little girl, I knew--and so did everybody else--that there was something wrong with me. I was overly concerned with what others thought of me. I spent my entire life fearing criticism. I was highly-sensitive to rejection, so I just... avoided relationships altogether. I spent all my time focusing on the negative and all the wrongs I could do. I was scared to make friends. And I believed that my parents hated me. I thought they hated seeing me around, got sick of their pathetic daughter. I had, I mean have, social anxiety and uh... it's really hard for me to speak to one person let alone a group of eight people. But for the past few weeks, I've been able to talk to you guys and uh... I've made friends. I'm really happy. "

May glances at Star and they smile at each other.

"Flint?"

"I don't like that you keep bugging us to 'share' personal information. It's not right." Flint mumbles, and it surprises me that he's willing to speak without being persuaded by Shelley.

"Raelyn?"

"Uh..." Rae starts, "I'll admit that I hated this whole 'group therapy' idea at first, but I didn't know that it would feel... good, to share how you feel with others. We might not be going through the same things, but we're all here whether it's willingly or not and that's what we have in common. So... yeah, and I'm also grateful for the friends I was able to make here. Star, May..." She looks at me but doesn't call my name. "I'm glad I met you."

The fact that she said that last sentence while making eye contact with me, does something to my heart. And I'm not proud to admit that because I like to think I'm the kind of person who doesn't get affected this easily. I also hate the fact that I'm getting too attached to her. It hasn't even been a month since we started talking and that's not enough time to feel this connected to someone.

The room is silent until I realize I'm the only one who hasn't spoken. "Yeah, it helps," I mumble, and even though it's clear that I'm not about to add more, Shelley waits for a few moments just in case.

"Okay, thank you guys for being honest. I appreciate it." She smiles at us. "I know that the idea of participating in group therapy seemed intimidating at first. Who wants to share their story with strangers, right? But I promise you that you'll be surprised by how rewarding the experience can be. You get a wider range of perspectives on your situation, and that can help you deal with your problems better. You might have noticed that you push yourself harder when you see others trying their best. That's why being in a group is incredibly powerful."

"Don't you think you're exaggerating a little?" Oliver snorts. The brat can't keep his mouth shut for more than five minutes. Shelley was done speaking, but now she's going to--

"No, Ollie. I'm not exaggerating at all. Let me explain it further."

There it is.

"Groups not only help to ease that sense of isolation but also allow you to practice re-engaging with people. By participating in a group, you see that you can get along with others. Groups teach you about yourself. It's like every person in the group holds up a mirror and you get to see yourself through their eyes. It’s a way of uncovering the blind spots that may be blocking your ability to overcome your issues. Push yourselves to participate actively so you can benefit from this group. You might have days when you don’t feel like talking, and that’s fine, but the more you contribute, the more you'll get out of it. Share. Your experiences might be meaningful to someone else, and you'll find that helping others helps you too."

"Okay, okay, I get it. Stop." Oliver holds his hands up in surrender.

"Since there's a special occasion today, I'll let you guys--"

"Hell yeah!" Oliver cuts her off, and it's amusing to see Megan fight against her smile.

"I'll give you a few minutes if any of you want to wish her a happy birthday or if you have something to say... advice you want to give... anything," Shelley tells us.

"I have something to say." Oliver stands up, causing Megan to facepalm.

"It's a song." He clears his throat. "My gift is my song," he sings the first line, and Megan can't hide the surprised look on her face. I remember that he mentioned something about loving music weeks ago, but him having a nice voice is unexpected.

"And this one's for you
And you can tell everybody
That this is your song
It may be simple
But now that it's done
Hope you don't mind
That I put it down in words
How wonderful life is
now you're in the world."

I didn't expect him to choose a song that came out decades ago. I guess that teaches me not to stereotype.

Oliver continues to sing and I glance at Megan out of curiosity. It seems like her annoyance has faded since the look on her face is replaced with an unreadable one. It's like she's not even breathing anymore, and her eyes are focused on him until the end of the song.

Star, May, and Raelyn clap for him as he sits back down on his seat.

"So how was that, Meg? Did my melodic voice startle you?" He asks smugly.

Megan is so stunned she can't even roll her eyes. Wow.

I glance at Raelyn and can't help but ask, "When's your birthday?"

"Why do you wanna know? You're gonna sing for me?" She chuckles.

"It depends." I shrug.

"On what?" She raises her brow.

"Whether you'd like that or not."

"Smooth." She teases. "But just for your information, it's June 6. Almost four months are left. Now tell me yours."

"It was two months ago. You missed it."

"Well... no worries because there's always the next one," she says, making me pause from the sudden realization.

She'll be there, with me. Either in this place or maybe out in the outside world. And that thought by itself brings a smile to my face.

Wait, what the hell? Why am I overthinking this? It's not like she's apart of my life now just because we've been talking for a month.

I shake my head at myself and she notices the look on my face.

"What's wrong?" She frowns.

I'm starting to like you, that's what's wrong.

"Nothing."