Beautiful Mess (Book I)

Chapter nineteen

"There's just something about you I'm scared to lose because I know I won't find it in anyone else."

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•Rae•

As I sit next to Kyle, I expect him to ignore me like he's been doing for the past few days.

But he glances at me and says, "Morning."

I turn to him with a confused frown. "Hi. You're back. I mean you're-- talking to me again.

"Sorry, " he says quietly, avoiding eye contact with me. "For shutting you out."

"It's okay. I'm just glad it's over." I say before uncertainty washes over me. "It is, right?"

He looks at me and nods.

"Are you okay though?" I ask him after a moment. "You don't have to tell me why you shut me out. I just wanna make sure you're okay."

"Yeah, I'm okay now. Never been better, actually."

I look at him to figure out whether he's being sarcastic or not, but the sincere look on his face makes it clear that he meant what he said. "Really?" I can't help but grin.

"Really." He smiles back. "What about you?"

"Never been better."

We both chuckle, and I feel like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders and I can finally breathe.

The last time I felt this relieved was when my mom survived a risky operation a few years ago, and that's saying something.

*    *    *

"I have important news for you today." Shelley says after we're done with today's session. "Doctors will interview each one of you one by one. I would like to ask you to be open and honest with them."

"What?" Star raises her brows.

"It's okay. They just want to check your progress and evaluate what you gained from this therapy."

"Is that all?" May frowns. "I mean... they won't take us apart?"

Shelley smiles warmly before glancing at the rest of us. "Don't worry, this group will stay the same until all of you are released."

Released? My heart starts beating faster as I imagine getting out of here, but I don't know whether it's from excitement or dread. Maybe both at the same time? Does that even make any sense?

"They'll ask you some personal questions, but you have to give honest answers to each one of them. Their decision depends on how well you do."

"What do you mean?" Lilly frowns. "Will they get to decide if we'll stay here or get released?"

"Probably. But don't stress about that. Just answer as truthfully and openly as you can. There's nothing to worry about. I know you'll all do great." She gives her a reassuring smile.

"When will it be?" Megan asks.

"Next week on Monday," Shelley answers before putting her glasses on and opening her notebook. "Let's start today's session with--"

"I don't get it," Oliver cuts her off. "Can someone explain to me what the actual hell is going on?"

We look at him strangely as his face reddens with what seems like... rage? Why is he angry? He usually loses his temper easily, but I don't think we've ever seen him this furious before.

"What you're saying is that according to this 'interview', some of us will be able to get out of here?" He glares at her.

Isn't this supposed to be good news?

"Yes, but no matter what happens, it will be a great opportunity for you guys to observe your--"

"To hell with this! I won't listen to this bullshit any longer." He suddenly stands up and storms to the door while Shelley rushes to block his way.

"Get the hell out out of my face!" he yells at her. "I'm getting out of here no matter what. I'll walk out of this hellhole right now and you can't stop me."

Shelley remains calm. "Ollie, you know you can't do th--"

"Who are you to tell me what I can and can't do?" Oliver glares at her with such venom that Star flinches back as if it's directed at her. "How much do they pay you, anyway? Huh? How much do you get for acting like you care about us? We know you don't give a damn about any of us!"

"You're crossing the line. Why are you acting like this today?" Megan glares at him. 

"I don't need to explain myself to you," he mumbles, avoiding eye contact with her.  "Why do you even care?"

An uncomfortable silence takes over for a moment.

"You're right. Why do I bother with you?" Megan shakes her head.

"You can go back to your rooms," Shelley tells us.

Oliver stands up right after Megan storms out of the room, but Shelley stops him by calling his name. "Can I have a word with you?"

"He doesn't get it. She's just trying to help us," I say to Kyle as we exit the room.

"I know."

I'm overwhelmed by the big news Shelley gave us. I know I've come so far from where I've started, but I can't say I'm fully healed yet. And I'm sure they won't let me out either because I still have a long way to go. But Kyle... there's nothing more he wants than to get released. And it's more than likely that they'll decide he's ready for it.

"See you tomorrow," he says to me, and I nod before turning away.

My head gets swarmed with questions I can't answer. What happens if he gets out of here? How will he be able to start a new life? Will he go back to his parents? Will the hospital even provide a way for him to lead a stable life, or just let him off to live on the streets? Will he be okay on his own?

And as selfish as it may sound, my biggest worry is: will he forget all about me?

I pause and turn back, calling out his name before I can stop myself.

He turns around and waits for me to speak, but I can't get the words out of my mouth no matter how much I want to hear the answer.

"Um, I just wanted to let you know that I finished the book. So uh, yeah, I'll give it to you tomorrow."

"Finally," he gives me a small smile before turning back around.

He takes a few steps forward before glancing back at me. "You're not going up? To your room?"

Being caught staring at him like this would've been embarrassing in any other situation, but right now there's no room for that. My feelings are all mixed up, and I don't even know whether I would be happy for him, or feel bad for myself, if he gets released. 

The one thing I am sure about, is that I want him to be happy. Even if I might not be there to witness it.