Beautiful Mess (Book I)

Chapter twenty-eight

"To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was you."

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•Kyle•

"Hey there, hottie," a seductive voice pulls me out of my thoughts. A girl with short black hair places her manicured hands on my shoulder as she leans into me.

I stare at her for a moment. I look into her eyes and then her height and appearance. Jess would be her age by now, but it's not her.

The girl giggles and looks down at her body. "Like what you see?"

I put her hand away from my shoulder as I stand up.

"What's wrong? You can pay me some other time, I don't usually do that but I can make exceptions just for you." She winks at me.

"It's not that. I have to go." I push my way through the crowd and rush to the door.

Just as I make it outside, I hear my name being called and turn back around.

"It really is you!" A huge guy with a pierced lip approaches me. His smile slowly fades as I look at him in confusion. "You don't remember me, huh?"

He looks familiar but I can't pinpoint where I know him from.

"Two years ago, one of Joe's homies?" he reminds me, and I raise my brows in surprise. One of the gang members.

"Shawn?"

His smile immediately returns as he nods.

"You've gotten... bigger." I observe, glancing at his muscular body covered in tattoos.

"I worked out. Where the hell have you been all this time, man? We looked for you all over the city!" He doesn't wait for my reply. "And I saw you in there turning down Lisa. You must be out of your mind, or penniless. Seriously dude, did you raise your standards or what?"

"I didn't come here for that."

"Then what? You didn't even get a drink," he says narrowing his eyes at me.

"We'll talk some other time. I have to go."

"Wait!" he calls out as I turn around to leave. "I know why you came here."

Curious to know what he thinks he knows, I turn around and wait for him to go on.

"I pretended like I didn't know 'cause I didn't wanna make things awkward, but I know where you've been for all these months. We found out from your parents," he explains, rubbing the back of his neck. "And I know about Jess. Isn't that why you're here? To look for her?"

My eyes widen in shock. "You-- you know where she is?"

"Yeah man, don't worry. She's doing fine and you'll see for yourself if you want me to take you there."

I can't believe my ears. "Are you sure?"

"She came to me last year and asked about you. You never noticed but she always saw you hanging out with us in there, so she asked me why she hasn't seen you for a while and I told her what happened. She cried her eyes out and said she won't go visit you 'cause she's ashamed of herself, but she cares about you a lot, dude. She'll be happy to see you, trust me."

I feel my eyes tearing up as I nod. I found her, Rae. I wish you were here with me.

*    *    *

"Here it is, bro. Just knock. She told me she'd be waiting for you," Shawn tells me as we get to the end of the stairs.

"Are you-- are you sure?"

"Yeah, I called her. She was in shock but uh... I'm sure she's happy." He tries to assure me.

"Are you sure this is the right floor?" I ask, looking at the brown door that looks at least a hundred years old.

"Yes, I'm sure. Now start knocking. Good luck, dude." He lightly punches my shoulder as a goodbye before walking away.

I stand facing the apartment for at least ten minutes. I can't bring myself to knock on the door. I don't even know what I'm gonna say to her.

The door swings open suddenly, making me jump slightly. A tall guy with short dark hair stares at me for a moment.

"Kyle, right? I'm Trevor."

I shake his hand while glancing at the inside of the apartment.

"I uh... I'm her boyfriend. She told me a lot about you." He clears his throat awkwardly. "Shawn sent her a text a few minutes ago to let her know you're here so uh... I was just leaving to give you guys some privacy."

I nod and he walks past me.
I stand there for a few moments before stepping inside. I pause as I see Jess walking out from one of the rooms. Her lips part as soon as she looks at me.

"Kyle." She breathes out.

The main thing that has changed about her is her long hair. It's dyed a reddish brown instead of the original blond. And she looks a bit taller than I remember her to be.

She takes a few steps forward as I stand there silently. "I'm glad you're here."

I keep staring at her.

"I'm sorry," she adds, "for not visiting you at the-uh... the hospital."

"You broke your promise." I can't help but get right to the point. "Why?"

She shakes her head with a pained look in her eyes, but no words come out of her mouth.

"Tell me, Jess. Didn't you promise me that you'll stay strong as long as we're together? Didn't you tell me that living with our parents is bearable only because I'm there with you? Huh? Was that in my head?"

"I'm so sor--"

"Do you have any idea," I cut her off, "how much I've suffered because of you? I didn't do my part as a brother should. I didn't protect you that night and it still haunts me to this day."

"What night?"

I take a deep breath. I gotta come clean or I'll never get rid of this guilt. She can hate me if she wants but I'm gonna tell her the truth.

"I'm not sure if you remember, but I was at the bar-- the same bar I saw you at a few weeks earlier-- and when I stepped out for some fresh air I saw Joe... harassing you. He was pulling your hair and you were struggling to get away. And I walked away. I walked away like a--" I can't even find an insult that's good enough for what I did that night.

She stays silent for a moment before shaking her head. "I'm not sure which night you're talking about because that disgusting pig has tried to assault me many times. But he couldn't hurt me. I escaped each time. And then he got arrested for robbery and I haven't seen him since. He got what he deserved."

I feel relieved that he didn't hurt her that night, but it still doesn't change the fact that I walked away like a stranger.

Noticing the look on my face, she steps closer to me. "If you're blaming yourself for not helping me, stop. Please. I'm the one who should feel guilty. You're right, I broke my promise. I regretted it so much. I even wanted to come back home but I felt like it was too late. I'm so sorry, Kyle. Please, please forgive me." A tear rolls down her cheeks.

"Do you forgive me for walking away that night?" I ask.

"I already told you there's nothing to forgi--"

"Do you forgive me or not?" I cut her off.

"Fine, I do. I forgive you, Kyle." She sniffs and wipes away her tears.

"Then I forgive you too." I mumble.

Next thing I know, she's wrapping her arms around me in a tight hug. I hug her back and she starts sobbing harder.

"Please don't ever leave me. I won't leave you either. I mean it this time," she tells me.

"I've already promised you that three years ago, Jess. And you know I don't break my promises."