Incognito

Keep Yourself Alive

Guilty, Filthy Soul - AWOLNATION

Cause you gotta look her in the eye

And you gotta love your way of life

Cause you gotta guilty, filthy soul

Don't ya know it's out of your control.

~

I sit down at my usual table in the back of the cafeteria. Julie and Alex aren't here yet, and even if I overcame my obsession over people thinking that I sat at lunch alone, I still have that lingering anxiety. As soon as I find Julie walking over to me, a smile automatically appears. Like a puppy finding his owner after work.

"Sorry I'm a little late, someone stopped me for some reason." She shrugs, setting her stuff down. I think it's kind of odd that Alex didn't come with her. I mean I know that they are kind of awkward but that doesn't mean that he wouldn't still insist on walking with her. And as the time passes by, I find that he isn't coming and when we text him, he doesn't answer. How strange.

"Attention, Attention!" Someone sing-sang from not very far from us. I see reddish hair popping from behind the newly made crowd. It's Alex and he's jumped onto one of the lunch tables, peering over to us with the biggest smile on his face. Everyone is quiet because, well, everyone looks forward for something out of the ordinary, it's the same reason why people are captivated by superheroes. He's popular, has perfect hair, he probably had his own club and shine made by the Freshman. They did it for Ryder and for his superhero identity too.

"I'd like to make something very clear today," He speaks laying his eyes on Julie and never leaving them. "I have been utterly infatuated with a certain someone for God-knows how long. This certain lady makes my days brighter and has been the reason why I'm still sane. In fact, by all means of censoring, I. Am. Absolutely. In. Love. With. Her." He jumped off the table, landing perfectly in step and pushes his way through the crowd of mesmerized people. He appears in front of the two of us, his cheeks slightly red. My heart beats so fast, its probability of being unhealthy is high.

"Will you be my girlfriend, Julie?" No way. The crowd stays silent until someone cheers out randomly. Clapping and absolute frenzy erupts. It's been like this for days, everyday with a new couple. Though this time, things were much different. Alex and Julie would mostly become the super couple of this school, that is if she says yes. It's almost like a marriage proposal, I think. Immediately she jumps out of her chair, startling me, and hugs him tightly. She pulls the fabric of his shirt towards her, hoping he'd realize how much this means to her. Of course, she would agree. It's more than adorable and it warms my heart to the fullest. I can't believe he hadn't told me about this. Or that it didn't occur to him that I could have helped him, but I mean that doesn't matter now. The new super couple is forming in my own eyes and that, my friend, is most important of them all.

"This is perfect!" Julie screams in the speaker. I can already imagine her lying on her bed, twisting her hair and swaying her feet. She finally gets what she deserves. The flickering street light grabs my attention, forcing me to find that it's extremely dark out for me to be walking out alone. I pull my phone away from my face, it's nine thirty. I've done this before and my fear of the dark, well what's inside the shadows actually, chills my bones.

"That's great, Julie. Really. I'm very happy for you, but I've got to go, I've got another call." I mumble quickly, hanging up as soon as she says goodbye. Dang flab it. I miss the call by two-seconds, but to my dismay, it is not my mother who called me. I find the voice mail and concentrate on it. For a long time there's silence and as I'm about to delete it, I hear something. It's mumbling but soon enough it's clear for me to hear. "I- well, um." Someone's deep voice fumbles. They seem distraught. There's loud music blaring behind their voice and random cracks of laughter. "I'm calling you. Yes, you. Lorena. I'm calling you from Zach's house, you know, and I mean I don't know what I'm even saying right now. A-Ha-Ha. I am insanely drunk, how great is that. I know you're disappointed. I am too. Lorena? If you're there, listen to me. I miss you, so much. I have this need, and it's — it is killing me. I never wanted to hurt you. If anything, it might've hurt me more than it hurt you. I know I have been mean to you. I know I should have heard what you had to say — it's dizzy here — and there's something I'm going to say, something I would never say if I wasn't so wasted. I love you, Lori. I've loved you since I met you, Alex made me realize that today. Forget about Violet, I never loved her. She's horrible. She's annoying and she doesn't know me. She told me he loved me, but I know she doesn't care. But I know you do. I know you care and if you do, please, just answer me."

My heart stops beating and I'm pretty sure I stop breathing as well. This sad, drunken boy is none other than Ryder, my ex-best friend, the one I thought had gotten away. Someone who I'd never thought would call me again, nonetheless still had my number, had just told me he loved me. He misses me. Ryder Finch Waters actually misses me. Suddenly a blaring horn strikes ahead of me. Before I could comprehend what's going on, I find myself staring at two bright lights of a yellow taxi car and somehow I can't move. The fear of my life flashing before my eyes causes my legs to be cemented to the ground. My eyes closed shut, preparing for the worst. This would be the last seconds of my life, in front of a speeding taxi.

"Gotcha." I feel like a rag doll when hands abruptly come from nowhere and push me back to the grass, away from the street. We fall with a thump and my head begins to pound with my heartbeat ringing inside. I never noticed myself wandering away from the sidewalk when listening to the voice mail. And as I sit up, I discover none other than Ditto Incognito himself. He sits calmly, now cross legged, like this is no big deal. As soon as I commence breathing normally, he speaks in his same sedative tone. "Looks like someone's been on Cloud 9." He snickers, his endearing smirk coming into play. How could he be so composed? More importantly, how did he come at the nick of time?

"Oh shut up." I half-heartily laugh my disbelief out, the shock still wavers over me. My second brush with death gives me chills. Noticing it, he softens up, and even behind his little rabbit mask, I can see him peering down upon me. Ditto Incognito is something else, that's for sure. We stay in silence for a few minutes, I guess giving me time to get composed. He's wearing that same stupid costume. Not very creative, as I can tell. The rabbit mask is the only thing different about him then from the rest of the heroes around here.

"I'll tell you what," He stands up and lends me his hand, then brushes off his dark washed pants. "I'm going to walk you home, making sure you don't wander in front of any other cars and then, you are going to tell me what caused you to be so seduced into being lured towards the moving monster of death we call a taxi." Shrugging, we begin to walk, well that is until I find pain and slight numbness in my right ankle. After letting out a yelp, he concludes that it's okay to just pick me up bridal style and carry me home without asking me. Almost like that is the only logical way to transport me. I know he has the ability to disappear, but I guess that he might not be able to take me with him.

"So, go on." He pushes me into giving him a reason and as embarrassed as I am, I find comfort in the smell of musk that most likely could have come from a building on fire and start to make things clear. We talk about Ryder, and his never ending dilemma with me. I notice how DI nods eagerly after every few sentences I say, he seems hungry to listen and coincidentally I omit the occasional "I still love him though" kind of reasoning. At this moment in time, I don't care that Ditto Incognito could tell Fortitude everything I am blubbering about now. I continue to speak about how I met Ryder, how we became best friends, what happened for him to somehow hate me and how he disappeared for three years. The anguish that emits from me makes DI stiff, knowing a highly emotional girl is in between his arms. Though, at least, the two of us combined, the cold air doesn't seem as frigid and it surprises me how warm his body could be, it's ataraxic.

"Ryder just has that power over me, you know? Did you ever have something like that?" I yawn out, exhausted of just reliving the things I longed to happen again. Like that one time when Ryder and I worked on the Spanish club's homecoming float and we had a paint fight. Things like that tugged on my heart and the tears unwillingly seared behind my eyes, forcing me to close them.

"Something like that." He stops moving, noticing that we have arrived to my house. How he knows where I live, will be forever a mystery. He sighs before jumping to my balcony. "I mean there's a girl who's got me wrapped around her finger. But still, I'd never be a deer in the headlights for her."

I scowl to his soft words, almost timid so I wouldn't wake up from almost dozing off. My eyelids feel heavier by the minute, his steady pace and breathing patterns are enough for me to fall asleep. Pretty soon he lays me on top of my bed, the soft cushions feel like clouds. He pulls my throw blanket over me and turns off all the lights except my night light. It's crazy how I still had it and I'm too lazy to be ashamed of it. And before I could say another word, his presence disappears like all of this never happened. But wait a minute, who was he talking about?