Incognito

The Breaking Point

Thinking out loud // Ed sheeran

Take me into your loving arms

Kiss me under the light of a thousand stars

Place your head on my beating heart

Thinking out loud

That maybe we found love right where we are

~

"What kind of hero are you? You're no good either. You can't even use your own powers. What a pathetic, insolent girl."

"You were the reason why Ryder couldn't help us. He wanted to save you first. And if he didn't then we would have been alive just like the two of you."

My eyes split open as I gasp for air. The noises in my head have been magnified. They mock me and give me pain. It was just a dream, the words shouldn't mean much to me. So why do they? Why does Ryder's mother's words affect me so?

I couldn't be surprised about discovering myself crying yet once again. I can't help it. It cannot be helped. Because everything that has just flashed before my eyes is true. I can't do anything right, my powers are basically wasting away. I'm a coward and a wuss. A black sheep.

My pile of tissues have begun to droop, some falling aimlessly to the ground. It almost slipped my mind that I had been weeping only - let me check- two hours ago I shudder, thinking about everything. My fingers naturally curl around the comforter, pulling tighter. What have I done to deserve this? I was on such a great stride. I haven't cried for the longest time, and because of that, all my feelings since the last time, are let out. Let me think, the last time my feelings up welled, was at Julie's party. Ryder had held Sadie in the most delicate of ways and what seemed to me at the time, a horrendous act.

I still had feelings for Ryder then, only ten weeks ago. I wasted my first kiss on someone who I hadn't loved, the kiss I was saving for none other than him. Ryder had been my world for the longest time and now I can safely say that he was the cause to my world falling apart. My clean slate was supposed to fix this, so why is this so hard? This isn't because of him, I wasn't even crying because of him, but somehow he sneaked into my reasons. He's had his way for too long.

I miss Alex and Julie terribly. My new friends, Tony, Hayden, and Beck, are all so nice but they can't replace childhood best friends. All our memories are going down the drain and I have the need to fix it. No matter how much it pains me to keep the anger I held on Julie and her unpleasant words, she was right. I shouldn't have kept such a strong hold on Ryder. Though, I don't love him and I don't feel the same way, it's still enough to make me cry.

I'm pathetic. This isn't right. I should have been fine at the League. I should have taken my nightmares lightly. I always end up fine, because they are dreams. But not this time, and if it wasn't for DI, I would have died in my own panic. I could barely breathe back there. Thinking about it causes me to touch my throat. Oh how exasperated I felt!

The tears that shed earlier have dried on my cheeks and the remainder of the evidence is a runny nose. Of course my eyes are puffy, and I poke at them as I take a look in the mirror. Man, I both look and feel like utter crap. I wish the redness in my cheeks would disappear along with my feelings. I should've known that this was bound to happen. Like any other thing, people leave in the end. No matter how many times Ryder says he is going to stay, he won't. We are going to college in a year. I'll be leaving California to New York. Or at least, I hope. With what the man from CIA, I'll have a good probability of being accepted.

I hear footsteps that I've learned are not my parent's and immediately recognize it. Quickly, I try to freshen myself as he approaches.

"I told you to knock." I scold DI. He appears behind me, standing straight. He seems to have recovered from today's events.