The Words I couldn't Say

Million Reasons

Everyday I'm doing the same thing on repeat
It never changes
My mood is always the same
And nothing ever happens
It all stays the same

Looking at my wrists
Wondering why
I hadn't torn the skin

All alone
Throughout the day
No one to save me

No matter where I am

At home

Shopping

In school

I'm alone

Classes are just me
Myself in the back trying to stay on track
No one talks to me
No one asks to be my partner

At home
My moms the only one who asks
But I don't want her to ask
To have to say what I'm feeling
I wish she could read my mind

Dad doesn't help
He's gone through the same
But doesn't watch what he says

There are so many things
That just tell me to leave
Release myself from this hell

Slit my wrists with cuts so deep
Take all the pills in the cabinet
Set the letter by the bath
And let my body sink under

A million reasons
To die

Yet I have just one reason
To stay

You

You've been by my side
Eight years
My best friend
My sister

You have my back

And even if you don't ask
If you don't try to see what's wrong
Seeing you smile
Is the only reason I'll ever need to stay

Even if I'm mad at you
It'll never last
It never has

Your like the sun
Shining so bright
Even though it's night

You give me
So much
I just hope I can give you the same

I wish you knew
That one time I broke down
And poured everything out to you

When I asked you to say something
The phone hung up
And you wrote

"I was going to say I love you"

I read it
I covered my mouth
Sobs threatened to escape
For the longest time
I believed
No one
A boy, my family, any of my friends

Would say that seriously

When I read that
I was so happy
Some one actually loved me

That was the day
You became
That one reason that blocked
The million to leave
You became my million reasons
To stay

————————————————————
Hey sorry this was so long but KoreanIy texted me saying that the song Million Reasons by Lady Gaga reminded her of me and I remembered this moment and got inspired. 

After listening to the song and writing the first couple words I start crying. I went through so many emotions and thoughts, from sad to depressed, to suicide, to dappy. (Dappy is a word we made up that's just a type of depressed happy) Then I was happy again.