The Words I couldn't Say

What is this?

AN: this is more of a rant and doesn't rhyme but I'm just so confused

I'm so confused
You think I'm pretty
You texted
And asked

"Do you hate me?"
"Be honest."
"Am I loud?"
"Am I annoying?"

How could I hate you?
You're not loud
And
Your definitely not annoying

When you texted me
My heart started beating so fast
My hands started to shake
And I felt like my whole world was going to break

When I think of you
And how you asked me why I'm quiet
Told me to feel better when I said I was sick

My heart beats faster
And my chest feels tight
And all of a sudden
My body temperature rises

I don't get what's going on
This hasn't happened before
Not even my crush of seven years
Made me like this

Why you?
Why do you make me feel this way?

I don't think I like it
I don't like it one bit

I can't explain it
My stomach twists in knots
And I just-
I'm speechless

I want to throw up

I look through our messages
Almost daily
My god I'm gonna go crazy

What's worse is
I'm not ready for this
This is fast and sudden
And I'm not used to this

Someone might like me?
How in the world is that possible?
Someone cares what I think about them?
Unfathomable!

I get so anxious
I don't want to say the wrong thing
I don't want you to think I'm weird
I don't want you to to feel bad

I hate that you make me feel this way

Why did no one warn me?
Why did someone not tell me
That this was going to happen?!

I don't understand what's going on!
I'm a middle schooler do you think
I'm going to be calm?
I don't get any of this!

Puberty was fine
I can deal with acne and periods
But no one said puberty
Also came with new and dumb feelings
That I've never had
Never understood
And never will be ready for

Does life just hate me?
I'm socially awkward
And can't even speak properly around guys!

Does life think I'm ready for this?
Me?!
A girl with absolutely no self confidence
Who jumps at any movement
Who cries at loud noises
Who doesn't even like human beings?!

WTF IS THIS

I want to pull my hair out
I can't sleep
It's three am

He just keeps popping into my head
Pictures of us holding hands
But I haven't even talked to this guy face to face!

I see him everyday at school
Sit behind him in a class
And we make eye contact at lunch

We both know each other
Without even saying two words
Face to face

Can someone explain?
I don't get this
Love is too strong and I'm too young
A crush isn't strong enough

I want this feeling to go away
It makes me feel so weird
And I squirm

Sometimes I think of something you said
When I told you your voice was deep
"My face is warm now..."
God I can't explain how much
That made my heart skip

I want to slap myself
Stop thinking like this
He doesn't like you
Just-just stop!

Tell your heart to stop beating so quickly
Tell you face to go back to it's normal color
Tell your body to be the right temperature
Tell your mind to stop thinking of him

Someone
Take these feelings and lock them away
My heart needs to stop fluttering
So I can think clearly
Someone
God someone just
Freaking help me!