Think of me

fourteen: I like your eyes

Grayson

It got a little awkward after Billie took her second shot. I didn't really know what to say to her. Was I meant to explain what had happened at the concert? Or what she was doing to me? I couldn't.

Ben saved me by walking in with the other boys and Billie's friend. They had all come to take shots as well. I stood back, letting Cam grab the bottle of tequila and filling up a load of shot glasses. Billie said she didn't want another shot and I did the same. Billie stepped backwards and I could see her hopping up onto the kitchen worktop so I lent against the worktop next to where she was sitting. 

'What was your friend's name again?' I forced out. I felt the need to make some kind of conversation while everyone else was taking their shots.

'Maddie.' She replied. We both watched as Ben and Maddie filled up their shot glasses with something and took their shots together. 

'Oh yeah, I think she goes to my school.' I said. I looked back to Billie, she was smiling over at her friend. 

'Before the party she told me she has a little crush on Ben.' She turned to look at me. I'm not usually very good at eye contact when I'm talking to other people, but with Billie it comes naturally.

'Yeah, I think he's got a little crush on her as well.' I laughed. Me and the boys aren't usually very good at talking about girls that we have feelings for. Ben never really talks about himself anyway, but the way he was talking to Maddie now, I could tell he likes her.

'How old are you?' Billie asked. It took me by surprise. I realised that we didn't actually know anything about each other. 

'18, you?'

'17.' She said. It was a relief that she wasn't really young. Nowadays, girls can look twenty when they're actually fifteen. It's kind of scary.

Maddie stumbled over to us. She couldn't walk in a straight line, and as she stumbled around the table, she kicked the table leg and went flying. Somehow, my reactions were fast enough for me to reach out and grab her arm before she whacked her head on the table.

'Oh, thank you!' She practically shouted at me. 'I did not see that table there.' She burst out laughing and Billie laughed along with her. Once Maddie was steadily back on her feet, I returned to my spot next to Billie. 

'Billie, Ben said we can sleep round tonight so my brother doesn't have to pick us up.' Maddie said. I noticed that Billie's face dropped slightly, but only for a second. 

'Okay.' She said. 'Where are we going to sleep, though?' She creased her eyebrows in confusion.

'On the sofa or something.' Maddie said, before turning and walking cautiously back over to Ben.

'Are you staying over too?' Billie turned to me.

'Yeah.' I said. 'I can't really drive after those shots, can I?' She giggled at my comment, not that it was very funny. But obviously she was feeling the tequila now.

Just as we once again ran out of things to say, the group started walking back out the the garden. Ben had his arm around Maddie and Todd and Megan was basically making out while walking. The rest of the boys followed and Amy just wondered behind them.

'Let's go.' Billie jumped off the counter, but landed funny and stumbled. Something made me reach out for her. There was no way she was actually going to fall over, but my body did it without thinking. I grabbed her hands and held them tight. We were standing about an arm length away from each other, but it was the closest we'd been so far. Before I could stop myself, I blurted out.

'I like your eyes.' 

What the fuck Grayson? Why did I say that? What is wrong with me? I don't think I've ever said that to anyone. I've met this girl once and I said that.

I realised that she was beaming up at me. Did she not find that creepy? Maybe it was just the alcohol.

'I like your eyes too.' She replied. Well that made me feel better, but she was way more drunk than me. 

After standing there for what felt like hours, Billie turned around and began walking out the door. Like a sheep, I followed.

-

For the rest of the party, most of my mates and Billie and Maddie has been dancing next to the speaker. I just stood and watched because that is not my thing. Billie and Ben did try to get me to join in but I refused. 

Billie was dancing differently now. Before, she was swinging her arms around, not giving a fuck. But now she was being less free, like she cared more about what people thought of her. Or of what I thought of her?

Once it hit midnight, Ben started kicking people out. There was a train station just down the road to Ben's house so most people got the train home. By 12.30am, everyone but my group, Billie and Maddie, and Megan and Amy had left.

I helped Ben bring a pile of blankets and pillows down for everyone to sleep on. I laid out a blanket and pillow for my bed and grabbed some for Billie as well. She was sitting on the sofa.

'These are yours.' I said. 'Where do you want to go?' I secretly hoped she'd say next to me, but I knew it was a bit much on the first night that we'd know each other.

'There's a space next to me if you want, Billie.' I turned to see Cam was grinning at us, and he playfully winked at Billie. I couldn't tell if he was joking, but when the other boys all laughed, it confirmed that he was. 

'Careful, Cam.' Theo said. 'You don't want Grayson breaking your nose like that guy at the concert do we?' The boys laughed more. I had to take a deep breath to stop the anger coming out of me. Instead I threw the pillow at Theo's head.

'Fuck off.' I said, in a lighthearted way. Billie grabbed the blanket out of my hands and walked over to Theo to get her pillow. She began laying her bed out next to Maddie's, which happened to be the other side of mine. I tried not to act too happy about it. 

Soon enough, everyone was in their 'beds'. The boys were chatting quietly, Todd and Megan were still making out in the corner, and Billie and Maddie were facing each other, whispering. They were talking so quiet that I couldn't work out a single thing that they said. 

After about five minutes of whispering, Maddie turned to Ben, and Billie turned to me. 

'What time is it?' She asked me. I checked my phone which had been laying on the ground next to me. 

'1.30' I told her. She yawned as I said it. 'How are you getting home in the morning?' I asked.

She shrugged, 'Not sure.' 

'I'll drive you and Maddie home if you want.' It came out before I had a chance to think about it. Something must have been seriously wrong with me. This whole night, I've been acting so weird. I would never offer a girl a lift, unless I thought I was getting lucky. I looked at Billie and she was smiling at me.

'Thanks.' She whispered. 

What am I getting myself into?