Think of me

after the end

Grayson

I didn't know how long I had been showering for. I needed to wash off the events of that evening. I didn't know what to think. My mum had never, ever gotten involved like that before. I couldn't tell if she was being stupid, or if she did it because Billie was there. But seeing her fall to the ground so easily was an image that I just couldn't shake from my mind.

And then Billie popped into my head. Again and again and again. All I could see what her face. The look of fear in her eyes. Had this scared her away? For all I knew, she could have left during the time I'd been showering. And I wouldn't blame her if she did. I had a feeling that as soon as I stepped out of the shower, I would be alone again. But I needed Billie. Looking at her made me forget everything else.

The thought of losing Billie made me turn off the shower immediately. I stepped onto the cold floor of the cramped bathroom and grabbed a stiff, old towel from the rack behind me. I dried myself off before wrapping the towel around my waist. I took a quick glance at myself in the steamed up mirror. The condensation only revealed an outline of my figure, but I could see the dark patches of skin where my dad had left his mark. The bruises were developing already. I didn't let myself dwell on it, like I never did any other time. 

I unlocked the door and stepped out to be hit in the face by the heat of a freshly cooked meal. As I peered into the kitchen my heart thumped at the sight of Billie leaning against the counter. She was still here. I sighed with relief and the noise caused Billies eyes to shoot up to mine. As soon as she saw me she stood up straight. Her face was suddenly nervous and she started fiddling with her fingers.

I walked over to her and hugged her. I needed her touch right now. Her body stiffened at first out of surprise, but soon enough she relaxed into me and wrapped her arms around my neck. She sighed into my neck and the feeling of her warm breath tingled on my skin.

We stood together for ages. Our breathing was perfectly timed as she laced her fingers through my hair. I couldn't hold back the tears that escaped my eyes. They were tears of sadness, and of relief that she was still here.

'I'm so sorry.' Billie finally broke the silence. I was confused at her words. I pulled my head back to look at her.

'What for?' I asked, frowning down at her.

'For everything. I- I didn't know what to do and I know you said to leave but I just couldn't, and then your mum came in and she told me to get you out and-' She stuttered. She spoke so fast I could hardly understand what she was saying but I had to let her know that I didn't blame her for anything.

'Billie.' I interrupted. 'You were so brave. You can't be sorry for my dad. He's a dangerous, horrible monster and there's nothing anyone can do to change him. Trust me. And I know my mum got hurt, but that wasn't your fault. Did you see my dad after he hit her? I've never seen him like that.' I explained. Her facial expression changed from panicked to understanding.

'I know but if she didn't stand in front of me, she wouldn't be hurt right now.' She looked at the ground. But before she could do that for long, I pulled her face up to mine so that she was looking at me again.

'Didn't you hear what she said? She did it because she loves him, not me.' I felt the tears returning to my eyes. 'They're both fucked in the head. I'm sorry that you had to see all of that, but thank you for getting me out. If it wasn't for you, I'd still be laying on my bedroom floor.' I was speaking louder now, I let the tears be replaced with anger. Anger at my parents for what they had done to me.

That's when I decided, they weren't my parents anymore. I was out of that house for good. I didn't need any family other than Billie, and my uncle of course. I felt my first sense of hope. I could do this. I was a new person, not shitty parents or anger issues. The only thing that was the same, was Billie.

'Thanks for sticking around Billie.' I sighed. She looked at me confused, but when she saw that I was serious, she just smiled and nodded.

I kissed her then. It was the right kiss, at the right time, with the right person. Everything was going to get better from here.