Think of me

sixteen: alone

Grayson

During the drive home, my mind was all over the place. I had left that conversation on a bad note. When Billie was asking me why I got so angry at the concert, I didn't really know what to say. I couldn't tell her that it was because I was protecting her, that would have sounded insane. She said it herself, we'd never seen each other before, so why would I do that?

It was almost 11.00am when I got home. I pulled into the drive and looked at my shitty little house. Both my mum and dad's cars were in the drive, which meant they were both home. Great. I had to try and sneak in without being seen or heard. I did this almost every time I got home. But my dad was always there, and my mum never was. 

As I walked up the drive I held onto the door key that was attached to my car keys. I silently enter the key into the lock and turned it. I did it so slowly that it took me ages to actually get it unlocked. But because of how rust the lock was, it made a clicking noise as I turned the key. Hopefully my dad wasn't close enough to hear it. I pushed the door open and quickly looked around the hallway before tip-toeing in. I headed straight for the stairs, skipping the steps which I knew would creak if I stepped on them. Once I had made it to the top of the stairs, I headed for my bedroom. 

I was almost there when I stepped on a floorboard that creaked beneath me. I flinched as it made the noise, and I didn't dare to move, in case it made even more noise. But it was too late.

The sound of someone clearing their throat came from behind me and I squeezed my eyes shut, hoping it was my imagination.

'Where the fuck have you been?' He said. I spun round to find my pathetic excuse of a father standing at the top of the stairs. 

'Out.' Was all I said. I turned my back on him and headed for my room, hoping that was the end of that conversation.

'Get back here.' His voice was sharp and stern. The sound sent shivers down my spine, and I didn't dare argue with him. So I turned back towards him and took a tiny step forward. I kept my eyes on the ground.

'You're meant to be at work.' He said. His eyes burnt through me. 'Your shift started at 8.00, but you never showed.' Shit. I forgot that I had a shift today. 

My dad was making me work at the car wash that he owned. It was a shitty job and everyone who worked there only did it because they were desperate. My dad paid me minimum wage, if he remembered to pay me at all. If I had particularly pissed him off during one month, I didn't get that month's wages. That's how it worked. I seemed to be pissing him off more and more recently, so I didn't have much money in the bank right now. Occasionally my mum gave me some cash, but only when my dad wasn't around.

'Sorry, I forgot.' I said sheepishly. My eyes were still staring at the floorboards below me.

'Oh dear, you forgot.' He said in a mocking voice. He started taking slow steps towards me until I could feel his breath on me. 'When will you learn?' He was shouting now. I flinched at his sudden change in mood and tried with all my might not to cower away. 'Look at me when I'm talking to you!' I forced my eyes up to meet his. 

My dad's eyes were cold and black. They reflected his personality. I hated the sight of them because I knew that it meant he was going to do something to me. I never dared to get this close to him any other time. 

He began to raise his hand into the air. I braced my self for the impact as he swung his hand down. It made contact with the back of my head. I stumbled on my feet from the harshness of his slap and had to grab the wall to stop myself from falling over. 

'You'll be working until the car wash closes tonight.' He was still shouting into my face. 'Do you understand?' I nodded. 'I can't here you. Do you understand?' I could sense him getting angrier by the second.

'Yes, I understand.' I said loudly. I tried not to give him another reason to hit me again. 

'What the fuck? Why can I smell alcohol on your breath?' Maybe I should have cleaned my teeth better before I left Ben's this morning, but I didn't really have time. 'You were out getting pissed? So, that's why you missed your shift. Well then, I guess you'll be working from open until close tomorrow as well.' I wasn't meant to be working tomorrow, but I guess I didn't have a choice now. 

'And while I'm here,' He said. What had I done now? 'Your mum got an email from school yesterday.' What? Why would my mum tell my dad? She knew what he would do. 'Your headmaster is not pleased with your behavior at the moment. He said you've been skipping detentions and throwing food in the canteen.' 

I kept my mouth shut. Anything I said would anger him at this point. 

'So, I think you need to be taught a lesson, don't you?' I squeezed my eyes shut, knowing what was coming. 

The next thing I knew a fist made contact with my stomach. I cried out in pain and hunched over, holding my stomach. His knee lifted up and hit me in the same place. My bruises still hadn't really healed from the fight at the concert so it hurt more than usual. 

My dad grabbed me by the neck. I could still breathe, just about, but he had me pinned against the wall. He began punching me repeatedly in the stomach. My throat hurt so I couldn't scream properly. All that came out were violent grunts. I tried to remove his hand from around my neck but it only made him squeeze harder. 

He was shouting things into my face now. I couldn't think about what he was saying because I could feel my face going blue from a lack of oxygen. I began gasping for air and clawing at his hand. 

I looked over my should to see my mother hiding behind the door to their bedroom. I looked into her eyes, pleading for help. But she didn't help. She just watched. I hated her. She knew what was happening yet she was too scared to do anything about it. I would never let my own son get hurt like this. Never. Then she disappeared back into her room.

Just as my mum hid away, my dad let go of me. He was obviously bored. I slid down the wall so that I was slumped on the floor. He walked away without a word. He began walking down the stairs, before stopping and telling me to get to work straight away. 

And then he was gone too, and I was alone. How I liked it.