Think of me

thirty four: we'll go at your pace

Grayson

I was embarrassed that I had to intrude on the Simmons' family Christmas, but they couldn't have made me feel more welcome. Billie's younger cousins were so cute that I found myself playing with them until they had to go home.

Eventually the whole family had left or gone to bed. The only people left were me, Billie and Peter.

'Right, Billie, you better head up to bed.' Billie's dad, Peter, said as he stood up.

'Grayson, you can sleep on the sofa.' He said to me. I nodded, completely understanding the boundaries. Billie and I hadn't stay the night together yet, but I guess we weren't going to be together tonight anyway. Peter grabbed a pillow and some blankets from a cupboard and handed them to me. I laid them out onto one of the sofas and got myself into 'bed'.

Billie blew me a kiss from the doorway and I pretended to catch it. Peter started walking towards the doorway as well, which was Billie's cue to leave. Peter began walking around the room, but he turned to me just before he left.

'If you do go... wondering around the house...' He paused. 'Be quiet about it.' He turned with a slight smirk on his face, and I heard him walk up the stairs and into his room, shutting the door behind him.

Did he just give me permission to sneak into his daughter's room? I guess I couldn't turn down the offer.

Suddenly my phone pinged. I picked it up to see a message from Billie.

Come up in 10 xx

I grinned at my phone. I didn't need to reply, I knew she was waiting for me.

-

I had been trying to forget about my mum all day. When I woke up this morning, I heard my dad shouting. There was no one else in the house, other than my mum, so I figured that he must have been shouting at her. It made my skin crawl to think that someone who's supposed to love you, could be so cruel. I was already dressed from the night before, but as I sat up on my bed, my chest and stomach throbbed in pain from where my dad had hit me. I pulled of the socks that Billie had got me, folded them, and placed them in my drawer of rugby stuff. Then I left my room.

The shouting was louder now, but as I made my way across the house, towards my parents room, I heard a loud thump, followed my more thumps. But no shouting any more. Was my dad hitting my mum? I wasn't sure what had come over me, but after my mum spoke last night, I needed to do something for her.

I burst into their bedroom to find my mum curled into a ball on the floor. She was covering her head with her arms while my dad was kicking her, similar to what he had done to me the night before.

'Stop!' I shouted. I shut my mouth immediately. I knew that was a bad idea, but what else was there to do? 'That's your fucking wife.' At that, my dad's head snapped to face me. He was breathing heavily but his eyes were dark and evil.

'You're a monster.' I spat.

That's when I realised my plan was pretty stupid. I wasn't strong enough to take him on. Especially not after being beaten last night. He ran up to me and shoved. He hit me and slapped me, pushing me out the room and down the stairs. All the way to the front door, until I was outside, and the door was locked between us.

I tried to get back in, to help my mum, but everything was locked. And I was too weak to break in. Luckily I still had my car keys in my hoodie from last night, so I took my car and drove to the park. Where I stayed until Billie convinced me to drive to her house.

-

After 10 minutes, I slid off the sofa a creeped up the stairs. I flinched at every creek in the floor boards but eventually made up to Billie's bedroom door. I knocked as lightly as possible and waited for her to open the door. When she did, she only opened it a crack so that I could sneak in quickly.

The room was dimly lit, with just her bedside lamp on, but I walked over to her bed and sat on it. As I sat down, I turned to look at her and my jaw dropped. She was wearing a big t-shirt, one of mine that I hadn't seen in a while, but I could see her lace underwear underneath. I couldn't even lie, her arse looked fucking amazing. There was something so sexy about her wearing my clothes, especially like that.

She was sticking her head out the door to check that no one heard us, but when she turned round she saw me staring and immediately wrapped her arms round herself, trying to hide herself. I stood up and walked over to her. I grabbed her hands and put them down by her sides. She looked down at the floor.

'You look so good.' I told her. I needed her to see what I saw. She smiled shyly, but still didn't look up at me. I grabbed her face and kissed her. We stood there for ages as my tongue explored her mouth, and hers did the same to me. She now had her arms around my neck so slid my arms along her hips and round to her back.

In one movement, I hoisted her up so that her legs were wrapped around my waist and my hands were supporting her bum. I pressed her against the wall and she let out a small moan. I kissed her lips and then trailed my kisses down to her neck where I stayed for a while, sucking until a small red mark appeared. We were still making out when I carried her over to the bed and laid her down on her back. I climbed on top and continued to kiss her. 

None of this was very new to us. We'd had loads of heated snogging sessions, and a few times when we went a little further than that. But something felt different today. Neither of us could keep our hands off each other. We were both panting more than normal and I already had my hands under her shirt.

I slowly started kissing her neck and moving my hands down her body. She was moaning in agreement, giving me permission. But all of a sudden she pushed my chest gently, and I knew she was asking me to stop. I pulled away and we both sat up.

'Sorry.' She said, staring at her hands in her lap. Our legs were tangled up and I was rubbing her back, trying to reassure her.

'It's okay.' I told her. 'We don't have to do anything you don't want to.'

'I want to.' She said suddenly looking up at me. Our faces were close, but the look in her eyes told me we didn't need to kiss in this moment in time. 'It's just that, well, I don't want to wake anyone up. They'll probably kill us.' She forced a laugh.

'Yeah, your brothers will not be happy with me.' I forced a laugh in return. To be honest, I was slightly disappointed. I was so ready to do this with her. I just wanted her to be ready. I wanted to help her be ready. I was starting to worry that it was me and not her.

'But I do want to, at some point.' She said again. I think she was trying to reassure me as well. 'But... do you want to?' She asked nervously, twisting her hands together.

'Baby, of course I do.' I whispered, tucking a piece of hair behind her ear. 'But I'll wait until you are ready too. I don't want you to feel any pressure or anything. We'll go at your pace.' She finally looked at me and smiled. She grabbed my hand and I squeezed it to reinforce my point.

'Gray.' She said.

'Yeah?' I replied.

'I love you.'