A Whole New World...Or Possibly Life

Playing House

It had been a little warmer than it was supposed to be for this time of year but I threw my sweatshirt over the tee shirt I had worn to bed just in case.  When I woke up and made my way downstairs Chris was on his way to the front door.

"Be back in a bit, I'm goin' on a run. Actually it will probably be more of a jog since I've been kind of slacking lately. I won't be gone long, only going around the property here, maybe the woods out to see if there's any trails or anything out past the fence."

With a smile I gave him a one word acknowledgement.  "Okay."

He gave me a quick kiss and told Dodger to stay while he went out the door.  We had decided Dodger needed to stay in the fenced in area for now since he didn't know his surroundings here. Most likely he wouldn't run off, but since he was kind of famous in his own right, it was safer that he just stay.

I went to the kitchen, Dodger right behind me,  to find a mug in front of the Keurig waiting for me with a post-it note stuck beside it.  It said, 'Gone for a run', and there was a heart under the words.  Of course it made me smile like a giddy school girl while I was making my coffee.  Looking down, I felt someone staring at me.  Dodger was watching my every move and I felt like he was wondering why I had the grin on my face.  As soon as we made eye contact, he cocked his head to the side and his ears perked up some as I spoke. 

"I know.  Your daddy knows how to make me smile doesn't he?  He has that effect on people. A lot of people actually.  I've seen lots of girls get this smile when they look at him.  They don't get to wake up beside him every day though, isn't that right Dodge?  They still get that smile though, and I don't know if I will ever get used to that."

I walked through the living room, grabbing a blanket off the back of the sofa with my hand that wasn't holding my coffee, and made my way to one of the chairs on the front porch.  Dodger followed along and sat beside me, eventually laying down.  The steam was rising from my coffee and I held my mug with both hands, close to my face, with my elbows set on each arm of the rocking chair I was sitting in.  It wasn't extremely cold, especially with the sweatshirt and pants along with the blanket I had. 

When I was alone, sometimes the thoughts that would skirt through my mind got the best of me.  This was especially true when I was content and completely feeling the bliss of being with Chris but alone at the same time just like I was now.  His little note with the heart was such a simple gesture but the feeling it brought reminded me of how happy I was.   Sometimes things like this would make me realize how much I never want to lose him or for this to end.  It would literally take my breath away sometimes, the thought of disappointing him or not having his love.  I would feel so stupid after he would reassure me with whatever cute thing he did next, but I tried not to let him know how I thought about this sometimes.  Deep down, I knew he would tell me it was just my mind playing tricks on me or that it was normal and I had nothing to worry about.  It was something he has talked to me about before too, his insecurities.  It sounds absurd that he would have any, but that's how our minds work.  He has even talked about it in interviews.

The problem was, I knew how many girls, and some men, would love to take my place, just waiting for me to be out of the picture.  Not that Chris would act on any advances by anyone, but this was just not a normal relationship because of that aspect.  This is what I think made me think about losing him more often than a couple who didn't have half the world pining after one of them.

Then I started to think about all of us having to return to normal routines after the new year.  After being together for longer stretches like we had been, it would be harder than before to be apart.  I was getting used to not missing him because we were together so much more than we had ever been and living together.