CHAPTER 20 : Under Your Spell

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I was thirteen when I figured I liked boys, or maybe just one boy in particular. It wasn't in this one moment that I suddenly fell for him and I realized I was gay. I guess I always liked him, I was just never able to put a name to the emotion I felt towards him. We were friends, and for the longest time I thought it was just that, friendship. 

    It was when I was thirteen that I thought, realized for the first time, that maybe, just maybe there was something a little more to how I felt about him. I'd read enough novels to know what love was, or what I thought love was. I was still just thirteen. 

    He was funny, he was cute, he was thoughtful, and worst of all, he was my best friend. My only friend. I felt stupid for liking him, he'd never like me back. He thought of me as his friend, his best friend and nothing more. 

    I wasn't going to let the fact that I liked him interfere with our friendship though. He was my best friend. I wasn't going to lose that because of these feelings. I was confident that over time they'd fade away. They had to. 

    I didn't want to make things between us awkward. If he knew, if I told him, it would be. Our friendship would end. Nothing in this world scared me more than losing Jack. I needed him. 

    I just wanted to forget about the damn crush. He was one hundred percent, undoubtably completely straight. I knew because I was the guy he talked to about girls. I had to forget about liking him.

    "She's so pretty," he practically swooned as he plopped onto his bed. I tried not to roll my eyes as I walked into the room cautiously behind him. His room was an utter mess. Though it mirrored mine, when it came to the deco, the floor—if it had one—was covered in a thick layer of dirty clothes and old pizza boxes. The bed was unmade and there was a distinct odor I did not care to find the source. Had an animal died in here or something?

     Thankfully Seth was as much of a neat freak as I was, I never had to deal with this in my own room. I constantly wondered how Jack and his roommate, Gregg survived in here. This was why we spent most our time in my room instead. However, today Seth had some game he was playing with a couple of friends in our room. Seth and Jack didn't get along very well, so Jack had pulled me away in the opposite direction and led me to the other side of the hostel, to his room, the moment he saw Seth.

     "She said she wants to meet me later by the pool," he told me. I warily lifted a dirty sock off Gregg's bed before settling on it. 

      "Like on a date?" I asked, trying hard not to sound as disappointed as I was and ignore the ache in my heart. I was happy for him, or at least I tried to tell myself I was. He was talking about Heather Falcon. She was tall, blonde, had sparkling blue eyes and she was so beautiful. He'd been crushing on her for months and today, he'd asked her out. She'd said yes.

     "I think so," he said as he looked up with a dreamy expression melted onto his face. A frown appeared on mine. Envy pumped into every vein in my body. To the point where I wanted to rip the poor girl's head off. That darkness scared me. I shook the thought out and faked a smile. 

      "That's great," I told him. He was normally good at telling when I was lying but at the moment he was stuck in a love sick haze, that somehow made me sick. I was suddenly feeling nauseous. 

      "Hey, Jack," I called for his attention. I rose to my feet as he turned to face me, "I'm sorry, but I have to go." 

       "What? Why? You just got here," he said, sitting up on the bed. 

      "I forgot, I have to study for the history test tomorrow," I lied lamely, but again he failed to notice. 

     "Can't you do that later?" He asked. 

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