CHERRY. [JESS MARIANO]

I Made Sure She Was Okay

Jess

Jess had fucked up. He had fucked up real good. The whole crash was his fault. If he had been focused on the road this whole thing wouldn't have happened. His eyes may have been on the road but he should've been paying more attention.

He should've kept an eye out for that damn animal. What even was it. A squirrel? A raccoon? It didn't matter. He just wished more than anything that the thing wouldn't have crossed when it did. 

He remembers swerving the car to avoid hitting the animal. Everything after that was a blur. Curse him and his damn conscience. He should've just ran over the animal. At least Cassie would've been alright. Oh, Cassie.

When the car had crashed into the lamppost he wasn't hurt at all. Goddamn it why wasn't he hurt? Why did Cassie have to be hurt? Just why? According to her, she had hit her arm on the dashboard from the impact of the car.

They both thought that it was probably broken since she couldn't move it at all. Jess had called an ambulance the minute he heard her wince when he touched her arm. She was strong. She didn't cry or yell or anything. She just sat in the seat as they waited for the ambulance.

Neither of them said anything. It was as if they were both numb from what had happened. Maybe she was doing exactly what he was. Jess was thinking. Thinking of what was the best thing for him to do right now. He only had one idea but he already didn't like it. But he knew it was the right thing to do.

It's funny cause he had never ever chosen the right thing to do. Never. Not until it came down to Cassie. It didn't matter how bad his idea was. If it kept her safe then so be it. Out of all the scenarios he had of him and her, all of them were of him keeping her safe. He never did think that he was the one she needed to be safe from.

When the ambulance had finally arrived, they loaded Cassie in. But not before she took one glance back at him. He remembered her making some kind of joke and asking him to ride with her. As much as he wanted to, he knew he couldn't. He had some packing to do after all. So all he did was he said that he'd see her when she got back. He knew for a fact that he wouldn't.

He remembered how she looked that night. Her dark hair brushing against the dark leather of her jacket and her green eyes bright against the dark night. He didn't know when he'd see her again so he thought he'd better memorise every inch of her face. How her lips were soft and pink and how her nose was tinted red from the cold.

Once the ambulance was out of sight and a tow truck had come to pick up the damaged car he left. Jess went straight back to the one place he knew no one could bother him. He went straight for the bridge. He tried to, but couldn't ignore the dirty stares of some townsfolk that had witnessed the accident.

He thought that if Cassie's mum or Luke wanted to kill him this was the last place they'd look. When he got to the bridge it was dark and the trees cast dark shadows over the water. It was the same place he went when he had that stupid argument with Cassie. God, he'd take a hundred of those arguments because at least she was okay.

He went up to one of the trees and stuck his hand in the hollow part of the tree. His hand rummaged around for a while before he felt the familiar rectangle box in his hand. He pulled out a pack of cigarettes he had stashed here a while ago.

Jess had quit smoking when he heard Cassie mention that the smell bothered her. But he kept these here just in case. He walked over to the bridge and took a seat at the edge, his feet barely skimming the surface of the water.

He opened the pack of cigarettes and took out a lighter and one stick. He put it in his mouth and cupped his hand and lit up the stick. He took a long drag of it. He started to think about what his mother would say when he showed up at her doorstep again. Probably something along the lines of, 'Oh god, not again.'

Jess would probably have to go to another high school. Maybe he could convince his mum he didn't need it. He was sure he could get her to agree if he threw in something along the lines of, 'You'll save money.' That should do the trick.

The question is, would he really be able to go through with it. He didn't have much here but he had one thing that was worth more than everything he had in New York combined. New York. Huh, maybe he'd see her there in a few years. No doubt she'd be with some rich ass but at least she'd be safe. Hell, maybe she'd even be happy.

He'd miss her for sure but it was for the best. Not for him but for her. Suddenly the small town didn't seem so much like a prison. All he wanted now was to stay. Before he realised it his cheeks were wet. He brought a hand up to wipe away the tears. He didn't think he's cried in years.

Looking at the cigarette that rested between his two fingers he felt nothing but remorse course  through him. He threw the cigarette into the lake and watched as it floated around the surface.

Footsteps could be heard through the air as Luke approached his nephew. Luke stopped next to Jess with a sigh. He didn't know what to say.

"I made sure she was okay," Jess said sadly without taking his eyes of the floating cigarette butt. Afraid that if he looked up at his uncle he'd see the tears in his eyes.

Luke sat down next to him with a sad sigh. "I know you did."

The two of them sat there not saying anything. Jess could feel the questions pouring out from his uncle but he didn't bother to answer them.

Instead all he said was, "I have to go back."

That wasn't what Luke was expecting. He was expecting excuses or maybe even an 'I'm sorry,' but not this.

"Why?" Luke asked with a frown. "If you're scared I'll kick you out I won't. I have an obligation to you."

"I can't stay here anymore," Jess continued as he felt the tears build up in his eyes. "I'm not good for this place. I'm not good for her."

Luke knew Jess had a thing for Cassie but that's all the thought it was. A thing. Not something so strong that even Jess knew all the trouble he's caused.

"You really wanna go?" He asked his nephew, making sure that he knew what he was doing.

Jess turned his head to Luke to reveal his red and puffy eyes. "I'm sure."