Stealth Journeys with the Steam Mapper

Chapter 14: Smooth Sailing

As the voyage skirted the western coast of North America, MYKA and StLF used their "down time" to relax.  They discovered that they both loved watching Jeopardy episodes and playing along.  They also thought the SNL skits of "Old Alex Trebek" were hilarious.  True, he was born way back in 1940 and had a very long run as host.   The skits imagined him now hosting a version for senior citizens where everyone participating was over 85 years old.   It involved a lot of shouting and repeating and forgetting the answer when trying to put a response into the form of a question.   It was rumored that Alex didn't like the skits and was having his research team inject questions on Jeopardy that cast SNL in a bad light, in retaliation.   Publicly, Alex said, "Not so!   I have a great sense of humor.   I can be the butt of jokes.   I clearly have all of my faculties.  Just ask my daughter Emily."  They both confessed deep admiration for Trebek's continuation of hosting as he battled Parkinson's.

Both MYKA and StLF had taken part in skits aboard research vessels during internships on shorter voyages.   They agreed that they could not imagine such frivolity happening aboard this R/V with this group of staid scientists.   No "Little Mermaid" musical numbers with this crew.

With coaxing from MYKA, StLF had shared a skit learned from Mom and Dad, back during the camping done during the Gulf Cleanup after the BP Horizon summer.  Arranging entertainment for the volunteers, had included borrowing projection equipment and the white, blank, outside wall of a large pavilion at the nearby state park.  Mom and Dad's video collection included Casablanca, The African Queen, Gilda, and Gone with the Wind.   They always carried video tapes in their camper when traveling and realized that sharing some movies with other campers at the end of a busy work day, was a way to relax and enjoy the  company of others.

Mom and Dad introduced each movie by performing a little musical number that they had composed.  It was corny and they really hammed it up.  StLF was doing both the male and female roles to share it with MYKA, first checking to make certain they were the only two present in their assigned berth area onboard, and hoping no one would come in and witness this foolishness.   Mom and Dad called the routine, 'We Can't Get Enough of Watching This Stuff!' (Probably some of the other campers would have said, "We've already had enough of watching this stuff!   Too much already.   Please stop!")  Anyway, StLF needed a lot of coaxing from MYKA before consenting to do the routine.  MYKA had to promise never to mention it to anyone, ever.

StLF took a deep breath.  "Okay, here goes nothing!

Immortalized in movies, these couples

Always triumphed over life's troubles!

We can't get enough of watching this stuff!"

"He" sings (deep voice): Gilda and Johnny were a couple of stinkers.

Then, "She" says, (high voice): 'Put the blame on Mame, boys.  Put the blame on Mame.'   StLF shimmied and pretended to throw a glove.

"She" sings (set jaw):  'Charlie n Rosie were a couple of sinkers.'  Then, "He" says, (deep Bogart voice): 'Rosie, old gal, we did it!   Mrs. Arnott, we sank the German Navy!'

"He" sings (deep Gable voice): 'Scarlet n Rhett were a couple of thinkers.'   Then, "She says (high southern belle voice with fluttering fan motions):   'Tomorrow is another day.   I'll think about it tomorrow.'

"She" sings (high voice): 'Rick and Ilsa were a couple of drinkers.'   Then, "He" says (deep Bogart voice): 'We'll always have Paris.  Here's looking at you kid!'

Then, "they" sing together: 'Despite their call they thrilled us all.   We can't get enough of watching this stuff!'

MYKA  suppressed a smile, at first, and then, to the performer's great relief, doubled over in laughter and snickering.   Nothing would have more humiliating than to have given a wacky, over the top, hammy performance of a lifetime and have it fall flat.   In fact, the audience of one asked for an encore performance, sans the commentary of who does what part.  MYKA went so far as to call the lyrics "clever".

"Well, from one cinephile to another, not all appreciate this classic genre as much as we do, but thank you for your kind words.    And, remember, no one needs to know about my skit performance!    Dad sure loved to do Bogart impressions."

Another favorite television show was called "Pharm Groan, Pharm Aid" and it was a sitcom taking place in Florida in a town called Poison Oak, along I-75, in North Central Florida.   It was located near an expansive senior community known as the "Townships".

The sitcom's pharmacy drive-thru accommodated the golden shoe Townies' "souped- up" golf carts, many with swinging shower "loofah scrubbies" hanging on their cart frames.   The pharmacy also dealt with travelers and tourists, college students and Medicaid, shoplifters and armed robbery, addicts and thoroughly confused people who genuinely needed help.   It dealt with the ever- changing part- time workers who were called upon to fill-in at odd times and above their pay grade.   The head pharmacist was up to no good, ripping off the gullible and sending his ill-gotten gain back to a middle-eastern country.   Each episode's string of confusion was a riot, with a little lesson learned, to make the craziness a bit more human so viewers could relate.