Dosage of Serotonin

Chapter 13

Chapter 13

I used to delve into the theory of Alfred Adler, a renowned psychologist, and I came across a fascinating insight about middle children. According to him, these children often feel neglected and overshadowed by their placement in the family's birth order. Ang mga panganay ay nabibigyan ng mas maraming responsibilidad samantalang ang mga bunso ay kadalasang pina-pamper. The middle kid was left with no defined function or position in the family.

In my case, I was the oldest and middle child but never the youngest.

My brother's responsibilities were passed down to me because he got married at a young age. Alam kong hindi naman required na tumulong sa mga magulang dahil obligasyon nila tayo. I mean, they were the ones who brought us here. Kargo nila tayo.

But, like other children, I couldn't simply turn a blind eye to my mother's suffering. I noticed her poor hands while observing her last night... so how could I abandon her? How could I ever forget everything she and Papa did for me?

Dahil kahit anong gawin kong subok sa sarili na talikuran na lang sila, hindi kaya ng puso ko na putulin ang ugnayan namin nina Mama at Papa. Kasi... bago ako naging doctor, anak muna nila ako. Bago ko narating lahat, anak muna nila ako.

"Vina..."

Napatingin ako sa nagsalita sa likuran ko. It was Calix. He was clothed in black shorts and a loose-fitting white top. His hair was in a loose bun, as it always was.

Ngumiti ako sa kanya. "Sabi mo ay thirty minutes..."

He kept his serious expression. "Nagmadali ako. I heard what you said."

"Congrats, may tainga ka!" Tumawa ako at muling humarap sa dagat. Naramdaman ko ang pagtabi niya sa akin.

The sand slipped between my toes as the wind swept through my hair. It felt like the entire universe informed me that my fate was not etched in stone. My fate wasn't predetermined. It was scribbled in the dust, and the wind was constantly blowing and modifying it.

Na kahit hindi ako masaya ngayon, posibleng masaya naman ako bukas. Kung hindi maganda ang araw ko, pwedeng maging maayos din bukas. I would keep living until there was no more tomorrow to look forward to.

Naramdaman ko ang pagdulas ng kamay ni Calix sa kamay ko. Napatingin ako sa kanya pero ang mga mata niya ay nasa madilim na dagat lang.

"You make me happy, too."

Parang tumigil ang mundo ko sa narinig. My heart started to pound violently inside my chest, and it felt like nothing could tame it.

Slowly, I held his hand, too. It was large, soft, and warm. Its comforting heat penetrated deep through me.

Tahimik lang kami pareho. Hindi ko alam kung gaano katagal. Basta nakatingin lang kami sa dagat. Saka lang kami umalis doon nang tawagin kami ni Chin.

It was a nice Christmas. Walang dull moments. Tawa lang kami nang tawa sa kalokohan nina Troy at Sol. Buong oras ay katabi ko lang din si Calix. Minsan ay umaakbay siya sa akin at minsan naman ay paglalaruan niya lang ang kamay ko.

"Calix, gutom na ako..." bulong ko sa kanya habang nagkakasayahan lahat.

"Hmm? Anong gusto mo?" Tumingin siya sa mesa. "Ikukuha kita... Wait."

Tumayo siya at walang pag-aalinlangang kumuha ng pagkain para sa akin. Napangiti na lang ako sa nakita. Hindi niya manlang hininitay na sabihin kong siya ang gusto ko.

"Asawa 'yan?" pang-aasar ni Chin. "Approved na sa akin si Calix."

Tumawa ako. "Sa akin din..."

Ilang beses din kaming inasar ng mga kaibigan namin, peronatatawa na lang kami. Somehow, the laughs and noises of these people comforted me. Parang nilulunod ng saya nila ang lungkot na naramdaman ko. Isa pa, sobrang attentive ni Calix sa akin. Matahimik lang ako ng ilang minuto ay kinakausap niya agad ako. Puro panlalandi ang ginagawa niya, pero sa dulo ay natatawa ako.