P for Perfect

Chapter 23- Faith

Love is a losing game– Amy Winehouse

  So when I told Travis that I wasn't so concerned about the Student Council Elections I was definitely not lying. But you see that little part about Alex? Not so much.  Yes yes, very stupid of me but do you know how long I've had a crush on this guy?? It can't just die overnight! Which is why I keep finding myself staring at him in class and wishing that I was Ara. Wishing that I got to wear his jackets, wishing that I'd spoken earlier.

For the first time ever I decide to ditch the school bus, that's probably not a good thing for the driver but do I care? Not really.

I step out of SOHL with a dead mind, trying hard to ignore the cool breeze. Now that I'm trekking home I don't feel like going home. I mean were to? My mum? I don't feel like talking to her, I don't feel like being around anyone of them. I just want to relax and sleep. Have a very nice nap.

One time Ayo said I was depressed, I guessed she was right at that point in time. I'd come 2nd position in SS1 and my parents didn't speak to me for weeks just because I said I couldn't always win. But the stage passed and I've never felt that sad again, but I always feel empty. Many girls look at me and want my life. I admit, I've got a lot of things going for me.

I'm rich, I'm beautiful, I'm smart, I'm popular and I've got like 4K followers on Instagram. But that's it. Am I happy? No. I have what I need but do I have what I want? No. I do what my family wants me to do, how many times have I gotten the chance to do something I want to do?

If they'd let me, I'd go to the Kalahari dessert just for the fun of it, I'd buy myself a large bucket of McDonald's and bury myself in it. If they'd let me... I'll just go far away from them–

"Faith?" Alex's voice startles me out of my thoughts. He's standing right in front of me with a very worried look. How did I not see him there?

"Alex, hey–"

"Why didn't you take the bus today?"

"Nothing, I just felt like walking," I shrug.

"You're...have you been crying?" He peers into my eyes.

"What? No, no I haven't..." I trail off when my hand wipes the tears from my cheek.

"Must be the breeze," I immediately lie. Alex is still looking at me weirdly but he doesn't make a move to call me out on my lie.

"What's wrong?" He asks instead.

I'm not your girlfriend.

"Nothing, I'm just a bit tired."

"Then you shouldn't be walking."

I'm trying to burn my sadness and calories away.

"I don't ever walk, I wanted to try it today."

"Are you going home?"

"Where else would I go?"

"An ice cream shop? I know one nearby, I've cream always makes people feel better."

I consider this offer. Me and Alex in an ice cream shop together, wow. It's not like he's going to propose but still...wow.

"Alright but I've got to get home by 5 o'clock sharp," I warn him. He nods enthusiastically and slips his hand into mine, leading me to the ice cream shop.

••••

  "Are you going to tell me what happened to you?" Alex asks for the umpteenth time. He's peering at me over his large bowl of ice cream like I'm a procelian doll whose got cracks all over.

"Nothing happened. I'm just having a bad day," I repeat.

"You shouldn't cry you know? You're too pretty to cry."

Ugh, that sounds so bad knowing he has a girlfriend.

"Hmm," I nod silently.

"How do you feel about the student council election?"

"I'm fine," I reply briskly.

"Ara didn't do anything petty?"

"No. Not yet," I correct.

"She can be a bit extra but she's a really good person."

I nearly gag on my ice cream.

"I'm sure, or else you wouldn't be in a relationship with her." There it is. The tea served right from the oven.

"What?" Alex squints at me.

"What's what? Aren't you guys dating?" I stare at him blankly.

"Well...yes, but it's not official. I honestly don't know if she'll ever date me," he looks away for a millisecond.

"Why not?"

"She's got a lot of male friends and she flirts with nearly half of them. How am I supposed to know if I'm actually the guy."

"So what? You're just going with the flow?"

"Kinda," he shrugs.

Gosh. This is such a revelation. And for some reason I'm not relieved at all.

"That's pretty douchebag of you don't you think? If you like her then you should ask her out," I blurt.

"I'm scared I'll look like a fool for catching feelings...besides, she's not the only girl I like."

This just keeps getting worse.

"You're sick," I spit before I can stop myself. A look of horror appears all over his face.

"Listen try and see this from my point of view okay–"

"That would be easier if you weren't making out with Ara at every damned corner."

"I do not do that. In fact we've only ever kissed once."

"And the other girl you like?"

"I barely speak to her at all, I'm intimidated by her presence. I find it hard to talk to her about anything."

"And so you choose to keep up your cruise with Ara."

"Faith–"

"Osas was right, you're not worth it at all." I grab my ice cream cup and my bag, pushing the chair bag loudly as I get up.

"Faith–"

  I block Alex's voice out with my mental headphones and storm out of the ice cream shop. Goodbye and good riddance.