P for Perfect

Chapter 47- Yamíl

Forgive, forget but you never let it go- Kung Fu Kenny

I miss Osas. And I'm pretty tired of avoiding my parents. I've not seen them since mum revealed the big secret. My aunt? I've got no idea where she is. I send Osas another text and climb out of my bed. Like I said, I've been avoiding my parents, so that also means I've been sneaking in and out of the room for urgent matters. For example, to urinate, as in this case.

First off, I check for any unwanted human presence from the tiny hole that's at the side of the door.

Clear.

Next, I slowly press the knob with my hand and open the door ajar. Emphasis on ajar. With the small space created I examine the corridor for any unwanted human beings again.

Clear.

The space between my room and the toilet will probably need me to run. 7 to 10 steps. I count to three in my head and push open the door completely before I start to race down towards the toilet. But then the unimaginable happens.

Dad appears right in front of me from a hidden spot in the corridor, hands folded.

"Can we talk?"

••••

After satisfying my natural instincts I take a seat next to dad on the dining table and sigh. I'm not mentally ready for this conversation but I guess we're going to have to have it eventually.

"I wanted to tell you, you know?" Dad begins. "But your mum. She really was terrified by the thought, you grew on her quite quickly. I... she'd already done a lot by forgiving me and accepting you so I just wanted to give her the peace that she deserved. I was and I still am willing to do anything to make her happy."

"I know."

"But that doesn't justify what I did. I'm sorry Yamíl. I'm sorry for disappointing you, I have lived with this burden for so long and there's so many things I've wanted to tell you but I couldn't because I didn't have the freedom to speak you know? I was haunted by the actions I've chosen to take."

"But now?"

"Now... I'm glad you know the truth. It might be hard for you now but with time everything will clear up. It'll all be fine." He pats my back warmly.

"We're cool," I answer his silent question. We've always been cool, me and my dad. We have a special relationship, we don't talk so much since he isn't always home but he's my friend. The kind of person I'd take shots with, I wasn't going to let it all go.

"I'm happy," mum says, startling me. She's standing in front of the kitchen door, mug in her hand, smiling warmly at me. "It's like we're back to normal again."

"Where's Mercy?" I ask as she sits on the couch in front of me.

"At Diane's. Your dad and I resolved to talk to you today so we didn't want her to hear about it," she answers. Aunt Diane's?

"How is she?"

"I don't know. She'll be fine, she always is. A couple of flights around the world and she'll forget all about her motherly instincts," she waves her hand to demonstrate. I feel a pang of annoyance inside of me. That's not true, my aunt acts all blase blase but she's got legitimate feelings that just don't fade away.

"Why didn't you forgive her?" I choose to ask instead. I'm not entirely sure how I feel about mum right now, am I still angry at her? Have I forgiven her? I think the answers are no. But not for the reasons that you might think.

"Diane? She didn't deserve my forgiveness," she answers immediately.

"Really?"

"Yamíl, your aunt is my sister. I've known her all my life, I strongly believe she did what she did on purpose. She took advantage of your father-"

"Mum."

"It's the truth. She's always wanted what was mine, who's to say that she didn't want him too."

"Jane, there's really no need for this," dad sighs.

"Even if you are right and she did do it on purpose, it's been so long now. Why can't you see she's remorseful?"

"You can't build a relationship that's been broken so many times already."

"She's alone mum. Can't you see it? She's all alone. Nobody calls her except her friends from Italy. Her family is practically non-existent," I cry.

"What she did put us all in shame and she should be grateful I even let her in my house."

"You're spiteful," I conclude.

"You don't understand-"

"I probably don't but all I see in your eyes is hate. You can't forgive your own sister and you hold her sins up against her head. For how long? Till she dies? What sins have you committed mum? How many people have you hurt? What if I told you that you don't understand me and I won't consider you my mum from now on? That I won't- I can't forgive you because you deceived me."

"Yamíl," her face pales.

"I said what if?" When she doesn't reply I stand up and walk back to my room. I hope she forgives Aunt Diane.