Legally Yours

- 42 -

-2 months later-

Aiden

One more flight and then I'm home, it's not a long flight luckily. I know that Gi keeps saying that the baby is coming soon. Which honestly stresses me out a lot. I want to be there, I know she wants me there. The idea of not being there genuinely scares me, as much as I don't want to think like this I can't help it. What if something goes wrong? I would never forgive myself.

Even missing it in general, it's an awful thought but I have to be realistic. The schedule is unpredictable. I could be in Florida or something, who knows? I mean I have a rough idea, we have at least all of next week at home. So we're really just hoping for a fucking miracle or something.

God if this baby was planned I would've at least made sure she was going to be born during the off-season. This shit is so stressful, if we have another kid we're definitely going to plan it a bit more. 

I can't wait for her to be born though, I can look at Gi's stomach and imagine a baby but I've only ever seen her over calls. I've never actually gone to one of her ultrasounds. That sucks too but again, I can't actually help it. 

Trust me I want nothing more then to actually go to one of those things, it kills me every time I miss one. Gianna tells me all the time that she'll try put them off for a while but I can't do that, appointments are hard enough for her to get. Never mind trying to fit them around my schedule.

Let's put it this way, this time nearly two years ago. This wouldn't have ever crossed my mind, I wouldn't have even thought about it. I was so focused on stupid shit, having anything like this to me, was completely out of the picture. I was so convinced I'd never have a family, mainly because I was also so convinced I didn't want one.

Right person, I guess. That shit changes you.

I mean she did, she completely changed everything. At first I don't think she realised the amount of power I was willingly letting her have over me. I don't think I understood why I let her. But now I do. I liked to believe that I was a lost cause, I had money and that's all I needed. I know now that having money wasn't going to solve all my problems.

I know that the phrase 'money doesn't buy happiness' exists. However at a point it did, it has. Without it, I doubt I'd even be in the situation I'm in now. Money makes people shallow and it did to me. But there really is better things in life and finally at what 27 I've just realised that now.

Maybe a few months ago actually, but the thought is still there. It hasn't exactly left either. 

My thing is, I can read Gianna like a book. Her emotions are so incredibly obvious for me to read, however I struggle to express myself in words. I can think straight, I can think of stuff like this. But I can never put it into words, I think that's an issue I've had for years, though. 

I don't think Gianna gives herself enough credit for that, to me it seems as though she can express herself so easily. However I think she's said similar things about me. I think that's why we work, I can read her easily and she can easily express how she's feeling. Making it easier for us to actually communicate.

God maybe that's why we're actually together right now. No fuck that, I was incredibly miserable without her and I realised that eventually. I just think the baby made me think more, I didn't ever stop loving her, ever. I didn't forget how much I felt for her, I repressed it because I was scared. I was scared to love her but I'm so glad I did.