Ice is overrated

Chapter 13

Mara (Trigger warning self harm and body image shaming)

He's standing so close if I leaned in just a little our lips would meet and he is touching me so soothingly like no one has before. I look up into his honey brown eyes and I swear if there wasn't a half wall holding me up I would have buckled to my knees. Thats what this man does to me. "Why should you care?" Kendra says as he jerks his hand away taking a step back as we hear the door to the rink squeak open. My brother and the rest of the team come walking in all of the but Luci and Ren looking pissed off. I blush and draw my gaze back down to the floor as my brother walks up to him. "Declan tell me what they hell happened and why the hell we had to explain to hundreds of celebrities and NHL scouts where you went. Luckily Lucifer and Ren worked quick on their feet before leaving telling us to tell people you had a family emergency, and then four hours we looked before getting other teams involved next we were going to tell coach" Nate says as he walks up the rest of the team looking at him. "I'll explain later. Coach doesn't need to be disturbed when he is with his wife at the hospital" Declan says as he turns towards me. Before I know it I feel soft lips on my cheek, I blush hard. "I will see you for our first tutoring session tomorrow, beautiful" He says and with that the team leaves with him. Ryan, Luci and Ren stick around to walk Kendra and I out. "What the hell was that?" Ryan says as he catches up to me as we walk out of the rink. "Ry its been a long night and we don't need anymore drama tonight" I say as I look at him go into over protective brother mode. "Well, considering you don't tell anyone but your friends what's happening I would like to be filled in on why my long distance best friend and my sister are making bedroom eyes at each other" He says as I let out a huge sigh. "Ry I will explain later today but right now I just want to go home and get some rest. I think I might just cancel tomorrow because I will be so damn tired by the time it comes around" I say as we get to his car. We all take up the spots we were in before, Ry cranks over the engine and takes off. "I would just like to know when this happened" He says as if Declan was in this damn car and can explain for himself. God his name was even hot. I blush some more as my cheeks feel like they are on fire. I sigh and tell him everything Kendra already knows. "Fuck Mara, Declan Landon is a fuck boy. I rather not see you hurt then see you cry over a man who doesn't deserve your attention" He says as he turns onto the main road heading towards my house. "Now that I know his same and why so many people or him and his reputation that I heard from other people. I will make sure I don't fall for his lies to trap me" I say but my heartbreaks as the words come out. Oh course he is the one I see so many women and some men crying over saying the horrible things he has said to them. I understand sex is just sex as long as you keep yourself grounded and guarded. I know because I have hooked up with people before and I wasn't hurt when we knew what we were doing. Thats a load of bullshit you may have not cried but they took a piece of  you and it hardened your heart. Thats why we have been listening to me for once. I blind back the tears that threaten to spill out as my head just has to call me out like I'm a liar. Oh but you are, we may be a strong independent woman but deep down we are just a little girl who wasn't wanted by anyone. Let alone a popular man like Declan we aren't the women he wants to be seen with. "You know he is just trying to protect you and if I knew you liked my cousin it would have been nice to know" Kendra says as I just stare at her. "What the hell do you mean by cousin?" I say as my tone comes out angrily. "Well", she sighs deeply before continuing, "My dad is his mothers brother so that's how Uncle Ben, I just don't tell people because his family is kinda known and I didn't want that spot light" She says and it clicks then Benjamin Jamison (Crusher) Landon Caption of Midnight Highlights who is in Jail for child endangerment and a whole list of other crimes. The most ruthless player knower in the NHL. "Don't let Declan or Luci know I told you any of this they would kill me and so would Ren. Their dad is as ruthless off the ice as he is on the ice. He kept the family out of it for the most part until Declan came along but it doesn't mean he cares for my Aunt Laney, his mom. His dad wouldn't come home or see them for long between games his life is the NHL and the final time he found out she was pregnant with her 10th child, he left again for good so they thought. Then he actually used his visitation rights after 5 years and took Kara, one of his sisters, to a game but then one the way there they got into an argument about their mother and her beliefs because she was dating a girl, he left a 10 year old child on the side of a highway in the cold 50 miles away from where they we're supposed to be doing reckless speeds over 100. Luckily she called them after walking for 5 miles. Thats when Declan and I got super close they started spending a lot of time at my house as his mom dealt with the NHL and multiple court cases. As far as I know he is still locked up for the other charges" She say disgust etched into her features. I shiver at how mean that man had to be. Her eyes soften as she looks me taking in all the information she just spit at me like she been meaning to tell me for years. "I swore never to tell anyone who I didn't trust and I was given a time line. I wanted to tell you so bad but my mother wouldn't let me" She says as I deflate a little because she was holding in a secret too. "I understand we all have secrets but what Declan said back there and the look he gave you suggests thats not the only one you have been keeping from me" I say letting the hurt bleed through my words. Before she can say anything I got inside right up to my rooms connecting bathroom and turn on the shower hot enough to scold. I strip off all the clothes I wore and sighed looking at myself in the mirror as I take my makeup removing balm and rub it over all my face, neck, chest and legs. I sigh again seeing the bruises that Josh left on me. One morning this week when Lilith was out and Ryan wasn't home he broke in and I was alone for the first time in months. I still don't know how he got in or how he disabled my alarm but he got to me. He bashed my head against a cabinet and then kicked me until I was barely conscious by the stairs near the kitchen that lead to my guest area. He left soon after when Jensen came in finding me laying there. He wanted to call the cops but I lied and said I fell since there wasn't any evidence to prove he was there. I sigh harder tears threatening to spill after this shitty ass night and seeing these bruises that are now a faded purplish yellow color. I get into the shower letting the hot water wash away everything not caring that if anyone looked over to the window that is in my shower they would see everything because I forgot to push the button to frost the glass. I'm too tired to do it anyway thats when I cry letting everything crash around me in a wave of emotion. I sit on the bottom of the shower and grab the micro blade I keep in there. Stupid fucking fat ass who just has to get into trouble. Why would Declan want you? What so his friends can make fun of him for having a fat woman by his side? All he wants to do is share you with his friends he doesn't even like you like that. Did you hear how his friends talked when he was right in-front of you? They all laughed at you because your not NHL wife material a skinny fake boobs and loves drama. Your not that.