Ice is overrated

Chapter 27

(read with caution if easily triggered and deals with child loss and vivid details of wounds.)

Mara

Declan squeezes my hand before Ryan and him leave the room. I start to feel unsettled as I watch his retreating back. Dean looks pissed, my oldest brother is scary and dark but Lilith brings a light to him. There is a reason why his nickname is the shadow. Dean is a ruthless player that will make sure you know who's the boss of the ice. Sam scowls at me from under his glasses as Jared looks at me with curiosity. Jensen walks in and smiles. "Glad you're not dead little sister" He says as he walks over and hugs me. "As well as all of us" Lilith says as she places a hand on Dean's arm but it does nothing to calm the tightness of his muscles. "I swear Moira, you need to get this handled it's starting to affect my career. I don't need the tabloids out here bothering you while I'm across the lake. I mean your sn adult we don't need to be fixing your mistakes anymore. Mom isn't here to save you from this and we are trying our best, plus you getting involved with the damn Reges Doloris spawn that thinks he owns you. We warned you about him, even mother did too, Moira" Dean says and it's like a slap in the face. Lilith sees the expression of hurt on my face. I can't stop the tears building up and I school my expressions and harden my eyes. My brother can be cruel when he wants to but damn that is a low blow. "Well I'm sorry that you all have sacrificed and waisted your time trying to help me. You also never told me what they hell you all were trying to protect me from. I thought he was just your friend and nothing more than someone we could have trusted. Mom hated everyone and was skeptical of them too. You just didn't see it because as soon as you had an opportunity to leave you took it" I say as the heart monitor increases and my anger spikes more. Stupid thing I swear its like they need to have a mute button on the thing but I guess its supposed to keep me alive and what not. Dean's jaw ticks and any second now he will start yelling like he's a parent and not my sibling. "I didn't leave when I had the opportunity to. I saw a chance to make good money so she wouldn't struggle and took it. I did what I needed to do for myself and don't make me feel bad about it. We didn't tell you because you didn't need to know as your messes kept coming up and need fixing fast before I let you ruin this too its not just me anymore it's the team you and Lilith are building as well. I don't expect someone like you to understand how this all can be ruined by something little like a stalker looking into our background threatening to expose it all" He says as clam as he can as he glares down at me. "I am not making you feel bad about it all I am saying is that mom treated us all differently and look at us now. I'm trying my best and I don't ruin everything stop blaming me for every bad thing that happens in this family" I raise my voice but the lump in my throat grows bigger. All I want is Declan here holding my hand while my brothers scold me about having to deal with my mess. I hate drama and messes but no matter how much I stay out of things it follows me. "At least I didn't kill our mother" He yells and walks off like I'm some child that needs to be put in her place. I get I'm a 5 years younger than him but damn why did he have to say the one thing that I've been letting guilt eat away at. What hurts more though is he is still blaming me for our mother's death it's been 6 years and yet he still blames me. I feel the tears streaming down my face before I can even register that I'm crying while I watch Lilith race after Dean. In the end she will always choose him too everyone does. Dean can do no wrong everyone else is at fault when things go wrong for him. Sam reaches over a smiles a little, "He may feel that way but you couldn't predict a heart attack and stop it. No one can and him expecting that out of you isn't right. I'm sorry he said that now. I hoped he wouldn't make this worse by going all Dean on this. We knew one day we couldn't protect you from them and today is that day. He's just upset and taking it out wrong" Sam says as more tears stream down my face. "Hey, look at me" Jensen says as I look at him with my watery face. "Your okay and a live thats all that matters. He's been testy lately and no one knows why. I don't blame you for things you couldn't control. I'm just glad you were home with her in her final moments with us. Now, we don't need to loose you too" He says on a sniffle and I cry more. Jensen is 27 and the shortest of all of us. He's barely five foot tall with our dad's dark brown hair and light blue eyes. Many people mistake him for my kid or my younger brother when he's in town all because I'm almost a whole foot taller than him. He crawls up on the bed and cuddles into my side. I cry into chest and I feel my three other brothers hug me. "We just care about your safety Mara" the deep baritone of Jared's voice hits me and I cry more he's been my safe space. Jared always makes time for family and this all has to be stressing him out as he prepares to go overseas. "Get some rest. Declan will probably be in later, he's been here every day. What you not telling us?" Jensen says down at me as we all pull apart. "Oh nothing" I say trying to keep my brothers from scaring him too much as I don't know what Ryan exactly told them. Before I can say anything Sam's phone goes off he looks at it silences it and nods to everyone but me. "Moira, I will be back as soon as I can. Love you" he says and takes off out the door. I look at Jensen but he gives nothing away, I look over to Jared and he just shakes his head meaning later I will know.