Ice is overrated

Chapter 36

Mara

It's been about a month after Jace, Daren, Declan and I had our foursome. A month of this feeling so real that the sex, which now is a daily multiple times a day before and after tutoring with all or just Declan. Even when he goes to go practice him nice and sweaty. I am pushing 400 lbs and this man picks me up and fucks me like it's not a problem.

We can't get enough of each other. I started ignoring the little reminders my mind likes to remind me that this is fake but he fucks me like he means it like this means more to the both of us. We haven't played around with Jace and Daren they have a new toy but that's ending here in the next week or so as they prepare to go to training camp.

As much as I can't get enough of him but My mother's birthday is today and I don't have the energy to even get out of bed. I canceled everything for the week and I just need my space. I am the kind of person that when I am hurting I shove everyone away. My best friend's  hate it but they have become phone friends since I hate going out when I rather spend my time in my book or crocheting while binge watching Netflix.

My leg is healing well and my mobility has improved so now maybe Declan doesn't need to escort me everywhere I go. Josh hasn't done anything since that night but I am not stupid. Spiritually I feel the wrongness like I am missing something and to not get too comfortable with the silence because that is exactly what he wants from me.

Currently, Declan is at the rink most mornings so the replacement for this week will probably shock him because he literally has a love hate relationship with calendars. So that means he most likely over looked that this week I am off and not doing anything but wallowing. My brothers and I are supposed to be all headed to my mother house to pack it up this weekend and get it ready to sell. Sam finally had enough of the daily reminder and wants to sell split the money and build new where ever him and Sin are moving too. We are all moving closer to where Lilith is building the stadium. I haven't started looking for a houses yet but she is breaking ground soon so that means I have to make another hard choice to be a part of it officially or be a silent partner.

I feel bad for leaving most of the decisions up to her but so far these days I have fallen into a somewhat depressive state knowing next week Jace and Daren leave. My feelings for them are like butterflies that take on no heat versus the raging heat that I feel when I look at Declan. It's like night and day compared to it I am also mind blown that I never realized that Declan is Bisexual as well. Currently, I am working on my physical therapy trying to gain more motion in my leg. I have a meeting with my therapist today and then again Friday. This week I already know is going be totally hard. It doesn't help that I am afraid of what is happening I know I am falling for Declan and it's going to end badly.

With his grades and this upcoming test soon at the end of September he is passing yet still failing this. He pays more attention to me than he does his work and it's not helping him at all. I want to talking to Professor Mendes to switch him to a different group but he is dead set on me handling the sport people. I sigh and roll out of bed, my leg hurting more today than it had in the last month. I glance outside and see why sheets of rain are pouring down making my bones ache. You know something that no one tells you about being chronically ill is when it rains it literally takes everything in you to move and do anything then to add the injury to this pain it's enough to make me want to sit and read all day.

"I think that is exactly what I am going to do" I say to myself as I use the bathroom and change into yoga shorts and a light hoodie.

Don't judge a big girl can wear things like this around the house just like everyone else does. I grin as I walk downstairs my dogs following as I let them out the back door and start some decaf coffee. Luckily, Jace and Daren are not here so I don't have to mask how I am feeling the tears fall down my face as I let the digs back in. The scent of fresh coffee floats to me as every bone in my body begins to hurt.