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Shaun X Marsh

Words

Leave us like before

__

Months down, heading to a year. Mitchell Marsh doesn't know what next steps called. Where it all even goes? When he look up at the sky, the sunshine faded him away he even isn't finding any breath to recall his pasts what already went out of his hand. Today, he faced the thing again. He faced someone isn't beside him, sleeping. Middle of the night, he crossed his legs and seat on the bed, find himself thinking and kept thinking. Not enought feedback he had for what he done. Or even why he did that.

He blamed himself for not being good, a good husband.

Empty, regression.

But he called him even if he said not to. Marsh didn't care just he dialed his number. He wanted to make sure he hasn't lost two of them. He at least needs one to breath. He exhales and called him.

Solitary, dernier

Days down,

With an empty and unconfidential mind Marsh somehow sets his attempt to go and held a request hand to Shaun, maybe who needs him today or tomorrow. May e he'd forgive him for what he's done or maybe he'd say to give him some time to think.

Hope, exhales

"....Shaun I know I did what I did. Can't you forgive and forget everything? Is it too hard?...." Marsh keep trying how he'd convince Shaun or hoe can he even say a word to him. He sits on the couch where he and Shaun used to crawl under duvet before Austin arrives and disturbed them. Now no one there for him, empty place with lots of memories. Yeah, he MADE the memory. He leans on the couch and closed his eyes. No, he can't imagine his face, all he could imagine was....

'Marsh, I know you can tell me as excuses. I know that- that You have- Oh my God- You, have private AFFAIR with someone. The thing punished me. You have  a wife a, a son in home. How can- how- Didn't you think for one second, one second, Marsh that when he grow up what HE would think? How he'd face the society that he has no father to call? Jesus! Not me, at least my son, OUR son.'

'I know Sam Billings is far, FAR better than- than me. Yeah, You have every right to choose one. Not because I gave you, you let me think. I let me think I'm just a piece of shit you treat. I don't care.I can't let you hurt my son, Austin. No, YOU HAVE NO RIGHT TO PUNISH HIM LIKE THE WAY YOU DID TO ME. NO RIGHT.  I'm begging you, Marsh. LEAVE. Leave us. Before he can assume your presence LEAVE, Just- just leave.'

"And I'm going to apologise years later!" He opens his eyes and gives a hurtful smile.

Sorrow, detached.

___________________________

"I feel like my loved one is changing some-how." No reaction from Marsh when he heard Sam Billings is behaving himself. "I also feel he's gonna forget me too." Again no change. "And He'd LEAVE ME too." This time Marsh made a rude look. Yeah, cause he's telling the truth too.

Pinge, frustration.

"Too?" Marsh recalled the word. "Hm. Too. Like you did with-" "Shut up. I did nothing wrong. I love you, Sam. And I choosed you. That's it." Cuts him off! As Sam chuckles. "So you choosed me and years, years ago you CHOOSED Shaun too. You know what I mean Marsh. Three times you CHOOSED me and three times you hurt him. THREE!" "Yeah. And I'm gonna choose you TRILLION times-" "ENOUGH Marsh. I can feel if you change, you're changing, you'll be changing. I came here for Bash and I'm gonna  stay in Brisbane with the rest of them juggling around. And guess what, I can't have you with me after 01 Feb when I will fly back to England." "WHY? Sam. You can't." "One can do anything in this world. You proved that, Marsh. Congratulations. I can't see your face anymore. Don't call me." Sam Billings rushed off with his luggage and staffs. Marsh didn't say any words further.

Reckless, grudge.

"Oh. So you arrive to talk with me? Talk. I won't judge any of your words. I thought you might be able to talk at least." Shaun sarcastically says. "Ahm. And I thought you guessed I wanted to meet with Austin. I did several times but today I need to talk with YOU about you." Marsh sees no reaction from Shaun's face. He sips his drinks and nodes. "I don't know how to tell it or express it to you, I- I'm so so sorry, Shaun for things I did to you. I know it sounds crazy and horrible that I realise after years, yeah years. So I need a change with, I mean for you. And- and Austin. But main thing is I, ahm- I want YOU back, Shaun-" Tears apart, "-I want us. AGAIN. I-I feel the pain Shaun. I know it is more dramatic than imagination. Deep down I still Love you." Shaun is staring as if he never did. He didn't want to put any doubt ahead of Marsh, all he took it as a deep truth. Deep feeling maybe Marsh felt nowadays. Maybe he realised too.

Doubts, amalgamation.

"It's so easy to manage yourself from pasts. Things, breakdowns, moments, memories- like you never ever have to change something. I like the way better that you love Billings more than you think you do. Marsh, it's quite hard to accept them after then changed not once, not twice but THREE times. Do you remember I, I gave you three chances just because I had some tiny trust left in my vacant heart for YOU. I- I remember, Marsh, I still remember how you treated me before my son, how you- enough. I don't have, don't have any TRUST for you. At least for Austin you should have stayed. But NO. You didn't. You did whatever you wanted. How can you even imagine I'M A TOY YOU PLAYED WITH? How can you imagine I'm gonna accept you whenever, however you show your face? HOW? HOW MARSH HOW? Not because I felt I somehow had a soft mind for you each times. When I look at Austin's face I no longer feel he is YOURS too. You know why? Because YOU LET ME FEEL. YOU, MARSH YOU. [sighs] Go, just go from my eyesight. GO TO BILLINGS OR WHOEVER YOU DREAMT OFF. Leave us LIKE BEFORE." Shaun wipes his tears as he stands and pulling his phone and moneybag inside his bag. He didn't even look at Marsh, who was holding drops in the corner of his eyes, watching Shaun by blurry sight. But he no longer could hold it, drops with lots of breaking hopes. Just watched vanished away.

Vacancy, anguish.

......................