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Richie's Journal

Don't know how to start. Don't care anymore. 2019 when I found one of Aus team had an interest. He payed for it later. It was Mitchell Starc. If I have to say it by 3 words, it can stand with- Relationship, Wedding, Divorce. I can't define more. Exhausted.

I liked Smith as mate. He was brave, brutal even more better than others remained in team. I somehow don't deserve to be in his life. I was Finch's friend, as a junior. I feel weird but as Captain he showed much support on me even on other players. Not beacuse he was best only for giving CA a t20 WC trophy, he was best in other ways, in every other ways. As my big brother from another mother, all the single time he played role in my life. He still is maintaining it.

My life is complicated. My life remains complicated all the time. Lost professional spot, lost more friends, lost my own value, lost husband, lost respect, lost cricket mates... Still showing a face with smile and yeah I'm fine. I never show anything out of me. If a gun passed my body, I'd smile dieing. I'm not saying it all were unfair together. I wanna say It all were reflection of my each mistakes, each wrong decisions. When I found Starc was in a private affair with Boult, I got the biggest hurt living in the world with me. Seriously speaking, I don't know why I still feel like I didn't have made any mistakes then. Why I feel like I didn't deserve it. I don't have any answers, after some unconquerable matter bowed down before CA, I forgot how to maintain normal life since then. If I had to divide it into two- I'd have standed as One part to my cousine, Avert other one to my friend's life which was also mixing with unwanted situations. I had time handle it. I was in Starc's wedding, smiling, taking pictures... who cares whom when they got the best in life. Who cares the homeless one dying in cold when they have their home provides heater? Who? No one...

Maybe I maintained all. All maintained me. The ups down, the complimentary, the grievance, the solemnity made perfect years in my life. One still compare after having each things. I had a believe no one is satisfied in their spots. Yeah, it's the certain reality kills me sometimes. I prayed to Lord, maybe He can find me a way. He didn't deny. He made my brother's life happier, he made my friend's life good as before. That's it. That was the solution for them. I tried hard till end. Maybe I didn't get the result I asked for but all too well at the end. Thanks to Lord.

If you have somehow a question cause you come so far reading it, maybe because you love me or my journal, I will confirm you yeah there is a question left behind. What about me? What about me and what about me? That... I can't say. I said I got divorce. I got plenty of solemnised nights. I got each things I mentioned. I was happy for my brother and Cummins. They are as cute as a new born baby in mother's lap. Yeah, Lord bless them. I was happy that my friend's life was better after forgiveness and understanding. Misfortunes come often after even realisation. What you paid for was an unconvinced misery standing from other end. What would you say, What have I done? You can't say it cause Lord can't speak. But you can feel him, that's why Love has no language. Not being romantic.. lol!

I'd give a clue more than description, I found someone when I got myself in Oxford University and University of College, London for writing an essay on it for my Brother cause he's so much lazy. Whatever, I needed a car that's why he told me to do it and in return he's gonna buy me a car. Though he is a Chartered accountant but still feel hesitate to waste it one me. Jesus! So his name was Ron Edward. He studies in University of College. I can't write the beginning here, I just wanna make sure I got in relationship with him after three or more months. After his brother's wedding. After many and many and many complications. I can literally say it out loud, I almost broke the friendship with Smith after my relation. I know it sound ridiculous rather interesting. Lots of equations where there when the solution required for one. I just picked it up. I feel it right behind my strom heart how to get the point. If you have to choose it correctly, do it exactly what it should be done. No hesitation.