*Taylor's POV*
We've been home for 3 days now, and things aren't going as well as I thought they would be. I feel like Adam and I have been focusing a lot on the new baby, and I didn't want Ellie to think that we had forgotten about her.
"Mommy?", Ellie whispers, coming in the door of my bedroom and getting up on the bed.
I was taking a nap, and Adam had promised he'd look after the kids downstairs for an hour.
"What?", I snap, not meaning to sound angry.
I was just exhausted.
Ellie looks frightened, and jumps off the bed.
I sigh.
"I'm sorry honey, come here", I say, as Ellie gets back up on the bed and climbs under the sheets with me.
I hold her close to me and kiss the top of her head.
"I promise I haven't forgotten about you sweetie. It's just that a new baby is a lot of work and Mommy is really tired", I whisper.
"It's okay Mommy", Ellie says quietly.
"Daddy told me to come and get you because Noah is hungry and he said that Daddys can't feed babies", she whispers.
I sigh, and get out of bed, lifting Ellie up and carrying her downstairs. I kiss her head and let her go and play in the playroom, and I make my way to the living room, where I can hear Noah's little cries.
Adam is standing in the middle of the room, bouncing Noah up and down lightly in his arms. When he sees me, a wave of relief rushes across his face.
"I'm so sorry babe, I know you needed that nap but Noah's hungry and I can't feed him and he won't stop crying and-"
I hold up my hand for silence.
"It's okay babe, just hand him over", I say calmly.
I was starting to regret breastfeeding. I know it's better for the baby and it's a chance for us to bond, but it also meant that Adam couldn't help me with the night feeds, or any other feeds actually.
I take Noah in my arms and make my way over to the couch. I pull up my shirt and readjust my nursing bra, and Noah latches on immediately. I wince in pain, and Adam looks guilty.
"Babe, if this is too hard for you, we could just change to formula", he says, coming over and rubbing my shoulder.
I shake my head, indicating that this was out of the question. Taylor Swift did not give up on something just because it was difficult.
"Oh my, you're a hungry boy, aren't you honey?", I say in my baby voice, as I gently stroke Noah's cheek.
Ellie comes barging into the living room, and I put my finger up to my lip, gesturing for her to be quiet, because Noah was starting to fall asleep on the boob.
"Daddy, why is Noah sucking on Mommy's booby?", she asks innocently, looking up at Adam with her green eyes.
Adam chuckles and lifts her into his lap.
"Because, that's how babies get their food. Mommy has to feed Noah for a little while until he's big and strong enough to eat the same food as us", he says, patting her head.
She nods, still a little confused.
"Is that how Mommy fed me when I was a baby?", she asks curiously.
Adam makes direct eye contact with me, and I shake my head.
She really couldn't remember being adopted, and for now, I didn't want her to know any differently.
"Yes honey", I say quickly, before Adam has a chance to answer.
"Oh", she says. "Daddy, can you play princesses with me?", she asks, changing the subject and giving Adam her puppy eyes.
"Sure bug", he says, standing up and putting her in his shoulders, making her squeal excitedly.
I fix my bra and pull down my shirt, lifting a sleeping Noah into the bassinet we had in the living room.
He was such a sweet baby. He cried a lot and didn't sleep through the night, but his big blue eyes just killed me. He was perfect.
I decide to check on Adam and Ellie, so I tiptoe out of the living room, and stick my head in the door of the playroom.
I see Adam fast asleep on the floor, and Ellie is playing alone on the iPad.
"What happened to Daddy?", I ask chuckling, as I sit down beside Ellie on the floor and she rests her head on my chest.
"He said he was sleepy", she said, returning to her game.
I shake my head and smile to myself.
I had a cute little family.
*******
Later that night, Adam and I were getting ready for bed, and I had just put Noah down in his crib, which was in our bedroom for now.
I hear his little gurgles as he tries to fall asleep, and it makes me smile.
I get into bed beside Adam, and he wraps his arms around me.
I start to cry.
"I miss Ellie", I whisper.
"Babe, what do you mean? she's in her bedroom", Adam says, kissing my cheek.
"I know, but I haven't really spent time with her in the last week". I whisper.
"You have a new baby Taylor. Ellie knows that, She's been really good, she understands now", he says, trying to reassure me that Ellie was fine.
"I don't want her to think that she's been forgotten", I sob.
"How about I go and get Ellie and bring her in here for the night?", Adam asks and brushes the stray strands of hair out of my eyes.
I nod and he leaves the room.
Two minutes later he comes back in with a sleepy Ellie in his arms.
He lays her down in between us and I wrap my arms around her.
She was warm and cuddly and safe.
"Mommy, what you doing?", she asks.
"Mommy just wanted your cuddles", I whisper.
"I love you Mommy", Ellie whispers with a yawn.
"I love you too Ellie. More than words can say", I say, kissing her cheek one more time.
I fall asleep with my very first baby in my arms, inhaling the scent of her strawberry shampoo.
For the first time in my life, I was just really happy.
Tired, but happy.
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Ellie is so adorable that it actually breaks my heart :)
