Time's Tragedies- The Books Of Beginning [2]

51. Universe

Rafe stared out the window, taking in the sight of their Westport street, so dark and still in the middle of the night, with only the sound of summer crickets to be heard, and most lights in the windows of nearby houses long dimmed. It looked peaceful, ordinary, the same as it had always looked through the many years the Wibberly family had lived in their home. He felt his throat tighten as he took it all in. 

How could the outside look so normal when inside was anything but? When they had enemies and magical objects and time travel of all things to contend with? When he could barely look around his bedroom, because she wasn't there, and without her, their home felt empty and wrong? His existence was upside down, and the fact that the rest of the world was just spinning on as usual felt absolutely awful. But, Rafe supposed with a heavy sigh, that was how life went. 

He didn't like it at all, not by any means, but he was used to everything going wrong for him after the events of so much of his life. 

Rafe's eyes were pulled away from the window to his bedside table and the two framed pictures sitting upon it, among tissue boxes and water bottles. The first was of his beloved children, taken around two years ago. A thirteen year old Lili stood in the middle, one arm around ten year old Jake, the other around nine year old Abby. His youngest looked so at ease, unlike now, where worry was always etched upon her face, and his son was beaming widely, without the stress and tension that now was written across him all the time. And as for Lili... she looked so soft and sweet and childish. Even though the picture was only two years old, Rafe marveled at the difference between the softly smiling girl captured in the image and his powerful, volatile first born, with her anger and her fear and her bags under her eyes.

They had been thrown into a fight for their family without any warning or time to prepare, and it was clear they were suffering because of it. Rafe's heart broke for them; he loved them so much, more than anything, and to see them hurt and be unable to fix it for them shattered him inside. Oh, they were still fighting through it, no doubt about that, they were brave and creative and determined and so, so very strong. Rafe was so very proud of the children and the strength they exhibited. But at the same time, he hated that they were in a position where they had to be that strong in the first place. He had always wanted his children to have a better life than he and Kate had in their youth; he had never wanted them to have to go through anything like the present circumstances.

The weary man let out a deep, bone tired groan, sinking down onto his bed, feeling the mattress squish down under him as he sat. His shining eyes never left the pictures, even as he put his head in his hands, looking defeated.

He felt like a failure. His job as a parent was to protect and nurture his children, but how could he do either of those things when the world was falling apart around them? He could not heal their mother to spare them from worrying about her, he was forced to stay behind and wait, leaving the dangers of time travel to a pair of already anxiety filled teenagers. His youngest daughter was afraid and insecure, his son obsessively researching to feel as though he was doing something useful and trying to keep up a cheerful attitude he clearly didn't feel, his fifteen year old was suffering anger and guilt over that anger, and a breakdown of her magical powers, and Eternity had so much trauma in her past, it broke his heart every time she looked shyly pleased and surprised when they accepted her as family. All four of them were going through so much, and he was trying so hard for them, he really was, but he felt like it was never enough.

Rafe felt as though he could cry. Those four were so wonderful, they were kind and smart and creative and courageous. They deserved better than his struggling attempts at controlling the chaos. He had always feared failing the children because of his past as the Dire Magnus; he had never anticipated having to guide them through a war in their present.